One thing that you may not know about me is that I love all things that have the shape of a heart. I love my painting that I made of heart. I own a turquoise, heart-shaped ring and it is a buy I will never regret. And, if I have a daughter someday, bless her soul, she will have heart stuff whether it is a blanket, outfit, bow, shoes – I don’t know – but she will grow to love hearts from her crazy heart-loving mommy.
Maybe my love of hearts is a greater reality of my love for people. I’m one of those people who will love you and your heart if I get to see a little piece of it. I love the heart of my friends who are able to speak truth and grace to me. I love the heart of those who are breaking and can let others in during those times. I love the heart of those that listen when you just need to let it out. I love the heart of people who can admit their wrong but learn from it. I love the heart of those who are seeking for change and growth, truth and guidance even if it takes refinement so meticulous it hurts. I love the heart of those who are wise and patient with me. I love the heart of those who accept me when I’m crazy or plain ‘ole annoying. I love the heart of those who forgive me of my selfishness, and still love me all the same, time and time again. Hopefully I do the same.
Recently, I’ve been learning that I am usually aware how God loves and longs for the heart of others, yet I rarely see how He loves me. I would say I’m in a moment of refinement. The Lord is really working on my heart, because I have a great sin of unbelief – unbelief that GOD LOVES ME. Can you say that out loud? “God loves me.” Just say it…can you? Often times we want to change it and say “God loves you,” (I don’t have a problem telling you that) but no…I need to start saying, “God loves me!” because this is where I have trouble and unbelief. Why is it so hard for me to believe God loves me so much?
I think I may be finding answers to this question:
1. My unbelief in God’s love for me
2. My failure to understand God’s love
So what am I learning? That I have to make a choice. Emotionally, there will be times when I’m so into Jesus and feel his love, and at other times I question His love and it is probably based on my circumstances of life. You know what…it is time to make a choice about this - emotions aside. God loves me…ALWAYS. I will make it my choice, in times when I question this, to believe He does because He says He does in His word.
Here is the second part: God’s love can never really be understood, but we can learn more about His love more than we know now – God is just too lofty for me to fully know what His love is like, and I have a fragmented knowledge of God’s love. I humanize Him and think that His love is conditional, like man. Here is a truth. Do you know what all humans desire?
“What man desires is unfailing love.” –Proverbs 19:22
Unfailing love. Isn’t that just hard to imagine – someone who loves us unfailingly!?! When I think about all the people who love me, they have also failed in loving me someway whether they realize it or not (and I just as guilty). It isn’t necessarily their fault, but they just aren’t physically, emotionally, or spiritually possible to give me, give you what we all desire: unfailing love. I can’t even describe that kind of love, but God is that love. He is the ONLY person/thing that will love us unfailingly. Luckily for me, God is surpassing my fragmented knowledge of love and teaching me of the greater reality of what His love is. His unfailing love is all I need. Any other love He allows in my life (i.e. friendships, relationships, children, happiness, chocolate, etc.) is just an added blessing-bonus, an overflow of heart-shaped things.
I don’t have God’s love down perfectly and trust me, there are times when I question it…but in those moments where I’m facing unbelief, I am making a choice to trust the Lord of His unfailing love.
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