One foot in front of the other...I take this path so often I could probably run it in my sleep. 24 years I have walked and run these sidewalks. I have traveled miles on them only to find that there is this place. This special view that gets me everytime. You hate getting there - sweat beading down your face, short breaths that seem harder than they should be, burning sideaches that threaten you to turn around, running up hills that make your legs scream...but there you find yourself. Some people probably miss it...they don't realize that right in their own neighborhood on this hilltop is a view overlooking the next town - at night it is one of the most beautiful views. The light from the town softly lifts into the sky and as you look up you can see stars, the moon, the stillness. It is here I am reminded just how small I am. It is so easy to get caught up in life. Your problems, your struggles, your desires seem so large in the day-to-day. Your focus is so easily drawn to yourself. But I stood on that hilltop tonight - looking out on this small town and everything faded for a moment and I came to a reality: I am small, and He is "I Am" - He is so much bigger than my issues, my strength, my fears, my desires. And I was fully aware of my weakness, my need for a Savior. Here is a blameless man who carried a cross - for me...a selfish and sinful person. And I thought...why? Why did You do that for me? For someone who You knew would reject You time and time again? I'm so unworthy of that kind of love, yet you know what I long for is unfailing love and you give it to me time and time again - even after all I've failed to give you. How many times have I lost the beauty of this? How many times have I not been moved by His unfailing love? On the hilltop, I sat for a moment with my Savior and cried out, "I'm sorry. Forgive me."
::Bind up these broken bones/Mercy bend and bring me back to life/But not before you show me how to die::
Thursday, October 21, 2010
Monday, October 18, 2010
Kick the Bucket
What do you want to do before you die? I'm sure you have thought about all the things you would hope to accomplish before you are taken from this world. Often I have thought about this and I usually think long term: have kids, travel to Italy, own a house, be debt free - you get the picture...
Bucket Lists.
I think of the preview of the movie...old men living their old man lives fulfilling their bucket list. Well...I'm reinventing this. I've got my bucket list, but it isn't for me to complete when I'm older...it is for me to complete 6 months from November. I've kept it realistic. There may be some items on my list you find simple. I want to enjoy small things, but there are challenges as well - tasks that take commitment, spontaneity, time, vulnerability. Ultimately...I've created a list that isn't unreachable but isn't easy either. Hopefully when April ends, I can have all items crossed off my list and start a new one.
6 month Bucket ListLearning to live like there is no tomorrow…NOW!
Bucket Lists.
I think of the preview of the movie...old men living their old man lives fulfilling their bucket list. Well...I'm reinventing this. I've got my bucket list, but it isn't for me to complete when I'm older...it is for me to complete 6 months from November. I've kept it realistic. There may be some items on my list you find simple. I want to enjoy small things, but there are challenges as well - tasks that take commitment, spontaneity, time, vulnerability. Ultimately...I've created a list that isn't unreachable but isn't easy either. Hopefully when April ends, I can have all items crossed off my list and start a new one.
6 month Bucket ListLearning to live like there is no tomorrow…NOW!
1. Run the 10k Turkey Trot in Kirkwood, MO (so it rained...my sister and I ran a 5k though on Saturday)
2. Bake a side dish for Thanksgiving (one day I’ll get to the turkey) - I made stuffing!!!!3. Visit my old roommate, Suzanne, in KC4. Take a photography class to learn more about my camera - woohoo! I know how to shoot manually now! Thanks, Fresh Art Photography5. Compete in a 5k Trail Run
6. Pay too much money to eat chocolate at Bissinger’s in the Central West End
7. Have lunch with my Opa
8. Write and re-write a poem in one of the following forms: sestina, villanelle, or sonnet
9. Read a book for pleasure
10. Spend a fall afternoon in the park with a blanket
11. Spend an evening listening to Dave Barnes at Blueberry Hill (and watch him shake his hips)12. Go to at least one event my church puts on (GYO, forum, Midrash, or Theology at the Bottleworks…etc.)13. Train and run my second half marathon
14. Carve a pumpkin
15. Visit my sister at college
16. Either go to a Blues game or go to a bar, eat pizza, drink a Bud Select and cheer on the Blues…basically just bleed Blue for a night
2. Bake a side dish for Thanksgiving (one day I’ll get to the turkey) - I made stuffing!!!!3. Visit my old roommate, Suzanne, in KC4. Take a photography class to learn more about my camera - woohoo! I know how to shoot manually now! Thanks, Fresh Art Photography5. Compete in a 5k Trail Run
6. Pay too much money to eat chocolate at Bissinger’s in the Central West End
7. Have lunch with my Opa
8. Write and re-write a poem in one of the following forms: sestina, villanelle, or sonnet
9. Read a book for pleasure
10. Spend a fall afternoon in the park with a blanket
11. Spend an evening listening to Dave Barnes at Blueberry Hill (and watch him shake his hips)12. Go to at least one event my church puts on (GYO, forum, Midrash, or Theology at the Bottleworks…etc.)13. Train and run my second half marathon
14. Carve a pumpkin
15. Visit my sister at college
16. Either go to a Blues game or go to a bar, eat pizza, drink a Bud Select and cheer on the Blues…basically just bleed Blue for a night
17. Learn and perfect a new recipe and make it for others - Chicken Cacitorri (or however you spell it)18. Read a book about Christianity (Options: Case for Christ, Church Planter, Sacred Romance, or Radical)
19. Go dancing for a night – I don’t care what kind – but line dancing, salsa dancing or any other form is perfectly acceptable
20. Throw a football or Frisbee in the park with a friend
21. Watch a Christmas movie with hot chocolate & blankets during the season with whoever would want to join me22. Learn how to do something that I've never done before (very general, but I’m open to suggestions)
19. Go dancing for a night – I don’t care what kind – but line dancing, salsa dancing or any other form is perfectly acceptable
20. Throw a football or Frisbee in the park with a friend
21. Watch a Christmas movie with hot chocolate & blankets during the season with whoever would want to join me22. Learn how to do something that I've never done before (very general, but I’m open to suggestions)
24. Document the occurrence of each "Bucket List" item (i.e. Blog post and pictures)
Sunday, October 10, 2010
funtastic
I think we're here for each other.
-- Carol Burnett
Isn't it true...that people are put in your life for great reasons. If it weren't for other people, I would be a very different person. People shape you and can help you expand your perspective, your life experiences, and your understanding of yourself.
Today, I was able to hear a dear friend's perspective of me. That maybe I need to let loose a little and enjoy life's little treasures a bit more. I think there is some truth to their assertion, which can be a little hard to hear, but it is needed. Trust me, I am a girl of fun, but sometimes I think it is easy to get caught up in the nitty-gritty of life - to want what others have and lose sight of what you have been given and blessed with.
I'm in this wonderful stage of my life where maybe I am the black sheep and not doing things the way my friends are, but there is beauty in that. I have the opportunity to experience life in my own unique way. There is always a time to be serious and real about your responsibilities, but there is also that time to just have fun and enjoy life - to enjoy your friends, your hobbies and passions, to dream and explore, to challenge yourself and do new things.
So here is the deal. I'm creating this list of things I seriously want to accomplish within a year (a realistic goal/list). Whether it is to go to a restaurant I've never been to or a trip or a concert - whatever it is, I want to have fun and actually do it. Sometimes the serious side may come out, but it is also time to just be joyful.
-- Carol Burnett
Isn't it true...that people are put in your life for great reasons. If it weren't for other people, I would be a very different person. People shape you and can help you expand your perspective, your life experiences, and your understanding of yourself.
Today, I was able to hear a dear friend's perspective of me. That maybe I need to let loose a little and enjoy life's little treasures a bit more. I think there is some truth to their assertion, which can be a little hard to hear, but it is needed. Trust me, I am a girl of fun, but sometimes I think it is easy to get caught up in the nitty-gritty of life - to want what others have and lose sight of what you have been given and blessed with.
I'm in this wonderful stage of my life where maybe I am the black sheep and not doing things the way my friends are, but there is beauty in that. I have the opportunity to experience life in my own unique way. There is always a time to be serious and real about your responsibilities, but there is also that time to just have fun and enjoy life - to enjoy your friends, your hobbies and passions, to dream and explore, to challenge yourself and do new things.
So here is the deal. I'm creating this list of things I seriously want to accomplish within a year (a realistic goal/list). Whether it is to go to a restaurant I've never been to or a trip or a concert - whatever it is, I want to have fun and actually do it. Sometimes the serious side may come out, but it is also time to just be joyful.
Thursday, October 7, 2010
Mosaic
I just came from Kaldi's - a coffee shop. Take three very different 20-something females who have known each other for about 10 yrs., stick them in a coffee shop, and let their mouths run and you've got quite an interesting evening. Don't you wish you were a fly on the wall - or maybe not. Either way, life is just not the same without your girls.
I love my girls. They inspire me, strengthen me, encourage me, cry with me, laugh with me...e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g. with me. We can look at pictures of really attractive guys on Facebook and laugh about it when a status update is almost made with a guy's name (yep...this is true thanks to mobile aps) and the next minute cry over how so-and-so broke our heart or how our job makes us wish we were....fillintheblank. And then we'll move onto talking about the church sermon and how we come at it with different perspectives, but we challenge each other's views or learn from each other's perspective. Then I wouldn't be shocked if you saw us get in a little tiff or disagree about something one of us were doing. We gain insight. We raise our voices and get frustrated. We hear advice we don't want to hear. Say things that are honest and truthful, and at other moments bite our tongue. We laugh too loud and people probably find us to be really annoying (yes, we are "those" girls). We agree. Talk shoes and clothes....boys....and life.
Girls are complicated. We mix every part of our lives with every other part of our lives and sometimes we get so lost in it all. One minute we can be a certain emotion and then it can all of the sudden switch the complete opposite with no warning. We fight hard and are strong, yet sometimes we just feel so weak and like we can break any moment and we do - right in front of each other.
I say all of this because here is what you have: three very different personalities and walks of life doing life together. We probably don't make much sense on paper, but when you put us together, we fit and have a beautiful friendship.
And here is what I'm getting a glimpse of: my life can be one big mess of complicated. I probably don't make much sense on paper (and I'm not sure I make much sense at all), but I'm sure all my pieces are in the process of making a beautiful picture even if I don't necessary see it all coming together.
"Faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see" --Hebrews 11:1
I love my girls. They inspire me, strengthen me, encourage me, cry with me, laugh with me...e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g. with me. We can look at pictures of really attractive guys on Facebook and laugh about it when a status update is almost made with a guy's name (yep...this is true thanks to mobile aps) and the next minute cry over how so-and-so broke our heart or how our job makes us wish we were....fillintheblank. And then we'll move onto talking about the church sermon and how we come at it with different perspectives, but we challenge each other's views or learn from each other's perspective. Then I wouldn't be shocked if you saw us get in a little tiff or disagree about something one of us were doing. We gain insight. We raise our voices and get frustrated. We hear advice we don't want to hear. Say things that are honest and truthful, and at other moments bite our tongue. We laugh too loud and people probably find us to be really annoying (yes, we are "those" girls). We agree. Talk shoes and clothes....boys....and life.
Girls are complicated. We mix every part of our lives with every other part of our lives and sometimes we get so lost in it all. One minute we can be a certain emotion and then it can all of the sudden switch the complete opposite with no warning. We fight hard and are strong, yet sometimes we just feel so weak and like we can break any moment and we do - right in front of each other.
I say all of this because here is what you have: three very different personalities and walks of life doing life together. We probably don't make much sense on paper, but when you put us together, we fit and have a beautiful friendship.
And here is what I'm getting a glimpse of: my life can be one big mess of complicated. I probably don't make much sense on paper (and I'm not sure I make much sense at all), but I'm sure all my pieces are in the process of making a beautiful picture even if I don't necessary see it all coming together.
"Faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see" --Hebrews 11:1
Sunday, October 3, 2010
Un-plan
Here's the thing. I come from a line of very special women. Women who like to dabble their hands into different things. Yes...I am beginning to enter the photography world with my DSLR, and for the past two years, running has become a new hobby, but this isn't what I'm necessarily talking about.
You see, there was once this wonderful woman - Grandma Rita. As time passed on, she seemed to shrink a few more inches every time we saw her, but she was the woman who taught me and my sister to play cards, only she could make the cheapest frozen pizza taste like it belonged in a restaurant, she loved Wheel of Fortune (and clapped along with the audience), and she was always a hard worker. Never was there a moment where she would relax. She was cleaning, doing laundry, or screaming at my brother to stop beating up his sisters or to eat a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Family was her thing and she would do anything for them.
Unfortunately, there is this need for control in the lives of the women in my family, but I'm starting to think everyone is searching for control in some way or another - even if it is something like doing laundry and working hard for your family. I am a planner. A perfectionist when I can be. A girl who likes to know what is coming ahead - who likes to know what the future holds. Just like my Grandma felt the need to always clean and keep her house in order, I often feel the need to control my situations and to do things right to make sure they don't go wrong. Inevitably, you realize that being "in control" does not always go as you pictured and eventually something will go wrong because you aren't perfect.
I thought that I had a handle on life, but now I'm at this place where all plans I ever made are no longer plans at all. I'm not exactly sure what lies ahead. I don't have any major ideas of where I'm headed or what tomorrow holds, and the "control freak" in me is learning to let go. I'm learning that this is the best place to be. To let go of plans and just let God use me. And it is hard because that need for control always pops up and tries to convince you that you need to take the reins, but there is God who is so much better at doing that than I am - and His results are always more fulfilling and better than my own. Learning.
You see, there was once this wonderful woman - Grandma Rita. As time passed on, she seemed to shrink a few more inches every time we saw her, but she was the woman who taught me and my sister to play cards, only she could make the cheapest frozen pizza taste like it belonged in a restaurant, she loved Wheel of Fortune (and clapped along with the audience), and she was always a hard worker. Never was there a moment where she would relax. She was cleaning, doing laundry, or screaming at my brother to stop beating up his sisters or to eat a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Family was her thing and she would do anything for them.
Unfortunately, there is this need for control in the lives of the women in my family, but I'm starting to think everyone is searching for control in some way or another - even if it is something like doing laundry and working hard for your family. I am a planner. A perfectionist when I can be. A girl who likes to know what is coming ahead - who likes to know what the future holds. Just like my Grandma felt the need to always clean and keep her house in order, I often feel the need to control my situations and to do things right to make sure they don't go wrong. Inevitably, you realize that being "in control" does not always go as you pictured and eventually something will go wrong because you aren't perfect.
I thought that I had a handle on life, but now I'm at this place where all plans I ever made are no longer plans at all. I'm not exactly sure what lies ahead. I don't have any major ideas of where I'm headed or what tomorrow holds, and the "control freak" in me is learning to let go. I'm learning that this is the best place to be. To let go of plans and just let God use me. And it is hard because that need for control always pops up and tries to convince you that you need to take the reins, but there is God who is so much better at doing that than I am - and His results are always more fulfilling and better than my own. Learning.
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