Relationship.
Well, it's awesome...and when I say awesome, that is really vague because awesome can mean so many different things, but just take it more as a word like "speechless" because there are so many words that could describe your relationship that you can't pick just one. I am in a relationship and it is amazing. Amazing because I see where I've come from and different circumstances and it is amazing that he was put in my life.
And he is infatuating. Maybe I'm still in this stage with Jose. He is studly inside and out. But I realize that I'm okay if I forever just feel infatuated with him. I could spend 24 hours a day with this guy and I'm pretty sure I would be fine. Well, he might annoy me eventually, but I just enjoy hanging out with him and getting to know the things he enjoys and how he works and just watch him in his elements. He definitely has sparked some of his interests in my own life: like healthy eating, physical activity and sports. Just the other day I carried a small conversation with him about sports and actually sounded like I knew what I was talking about. The reality...I did know what I was talking about and in some ways, I'm glad I could take something that is more of "his thing" and engage with him about it. I'm not someone to give up parts of myself, but I am willing to take interest in what others enjoy and I think it's a good thing.
But we can be independent. It seems weird that infatuation can work with independence. No doubt I would be happy with Jose by my side all the time, but I also like that we can be independent of one another - that he can do his thing and I can do mine and we both know it is good for us. And it is nice when people say they appreciate how we can spend time with other people and not be all over each other. I'm not going to lie, I could be all over him all the time...I just like him that much, but I'm glad I'm not that person and I'm glad it isn't hard to not be that person. Knowing who I am apart from Jose is a blessing because I'm confident in who I am and who I was made to be. Not to mention, it is amazing to have a man who also is steady and secure in who is and who he was made to be, which only makes me more infatuated with him as a person.
Then there is constant discovery. Dating is fun. You laugh. You do things you never really make yourself do on your own. You enjoy what is around you a little bit more. Everything about dating is fun...okay...well maybe shove weird or awkward or anyotheradjective...but always a time of learning and discovering. Discovering more about yourself. Learning more about someone. Discovering what is enjoyable. What works, what doesn't work, what should work. Learning what you both enjoy and what you need to work on about yourself. Discovering ways to serve or encourage or just to have fun. I never want to stop discovering more because it is there you grow.
Alright...so maybe this post is just infatuation :-)
Friday, July 22, 2011
Saturday, June 4, 2011
Birdie
This is my college roommate, Suzanne:
As you can see, Suzanne is expecting and looking fabulous (she was 6 months at this picture)! It is weird to be in this stage of life where not only are my friends getting married (well, who am I kidding - most are married) but now they are reaching the baby stage. And although my 25 year old body is reminding me I'm still young and have plenty of time for these things, I truly get excited for each one of these little bundles of joy that make me a pseudo aunt!
Suzanne has always been a special part of my life since we met in college. During our sophomore year, I think we hung out everyday. She was my lunch break buddy, work-out partner, co-worker, and during our junior year, she and I lived in a house and were literal roommates. We had too many dance parties, I heard her make-out with her then boyfriend (now husband) way too much in our shared room, and she always always always was an endless source of fun.
So when she revealed to me she was pregnant and that little June-bug would arrive in August, I couldn't wait to see how she was going to decorate her nursery. Suzanne is the queen of flea markets and garage sales. She knows how to get the deals and she is able to take something that may seem like junk and make it function as an awesome decor piece. I'm pretty sure she will always be my antiquing partner for life and a source of wisdom as I take the old and make it new.
Well, I knew I wanted to do something a little different in addition to her shower gift, so I finally let my creative juices take control and whipped out the paintbrushes. I wanted to make something that fit into her bird-themed nursery and colors so I took some note and began my art project.
So here it is:
Watercolor with black ink overlay
As you can see, Suzanne is expecting and looking fabulous (she was 6 months at this picture)! It is weird to be in this stage of life where not only are my friends getting married (well, who am I kidding - most are married) but now they are reaching the baby stage. And although my 25 year old body is reminding me I'm still young and have plenty of time for these things, I truly get excited for each one of these little bundles of joy that make me a pseudo aunt!
Suzanne has always been a special part of my life since we met in college. During our sophomore year, I think we hung out everyday. She was my lunch break buddy, work-out partner, co-worker, and during our junior year, she and I lived in a house and were literal roommates. We had too many dance parties, I heard her make-out with her then boyfriend (now husband) way too much in our shared room, and she always always always was an endless source of fun.
So when she revealed to me she was pregnant and that little June-bug would arrive in August, I couldn't wait to see how she was going to decorate her nursery. Suzanne is the queen of flea markets and garage sales. She knows how to get the deals and she is able to take something that may seem like junk and make it function as an awesome decor piece. I'm pretty sure she will always be my antiquing partner for life and a source of wisdom as I take the old and make it new.
Well, I knew I wanted to do something a little different in addition to her shower gift, so I finally let my creative juices take control and whipped out the paintbrushes. I wanted to make something that fit into her bird-themed nursery and colors so I took some note and began my art project.
So here it is:
Watercolor with black ink overlay
I thought it turned out pretty cute! I had four birds that I did but only ended up using two. Next time I would do the same thing but probably try using separate frames for each bird and going with a square size rather than a typical 5 x 7.
Can't wait to meet June!
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Most Important Meal
So as I venture into a world of healthy eating, there are challenges matched with fun discoveries. I wouldn't say I was a horrible eater before, but I definitely came with the notion that I could eat anything within reason and have an occasional cheat day (which I still believe), anything that was low-fat or low-calorie was healthy, and labels are too confusing. Some challenges to incorporating a better outlook on one's health can include finding the will to work out on a more regular basis, eating less of the "bad stuff," and watching not only nutritional information on labels but reading the INGREDIENTS as well. Basically, being healthy isn't always fun, it takes a little more food-for-thought, and there are a lot of misconceptions.
In the past few months, I've learned a lot about what I should and shouldn't buy, what I should start buying, and when/how I should eat. Taking small steps to change your outlook on physical activity and healthy eating can be difficult, but I've found it to be more rewarding and...dare I say...fun!
Okay, so I began this journey towards health when I met this guy. I didn't really start because of him, but his active lifestyle and wellspring of nutritional information definitely knocked my brain into gear - with my body sort of following in the physical realm as well. I first learned (although I was already fully aware) that instead of a lousy breakfast, you should have a substantial breakfast because, as we've all be told growing up - it helps us do better on tests. Since life, you may say, is one big test - you might as well start your day off with a healthy start. With that comes the fact that Poptarts are the worst breakfast and those packaged Cinnamon rolls and donuts that you can find at the gas station are probably right up there as well. You're probably thinking...well, duh...we all know this. And yes, we do...I do...and even though I have not had a poptart since high school, I was still a fan of cereal or keeping my breakfast as small in calorie count as possible. Instead, I realized I should eat more than 100 calories for breakfast - So, I learned that you can have two eggs, a piece of whole wheat toast with natural peanut butter, and a half cup of organic vanilla yogurt topped with fresh blackberries - you'll ace any test thrown at you.
Now...seems easy...and yummy. But it is easy to go wrong. And labels can be hard to trust because labels can easily lie and mislead with their "low-fat" and "low-calorie." So, looking at ingredients is important. Why? Well because if you just use any peanut butter, you might find that there are hydrogenated oils, which you definitely want to stay away from. Instead, the only ingredient your peanut butter should have is....peanuts. Wait...you're probably thinking that is the nasty kind of peanut butter that isn't good. Lies...all lies. If you go to your grocery store, I think you should try to pick up Smuckers Natural Peanut Butter, or TraderJoes has a great all-natural peanut butter that is pretty darn tasty - both only contain peanuts. And as far as yogurt - I once thought the "Active & Fit" or low-fat was a-okay, but then I realized after looking at ingredients that there are a lot of artificial sweeteners to get me "Active & Fit," that dreaded high fructose corn syrup stares me straight at the gut, and other chemicals I have no idea what they mean, how to pronounce them, or what their function is are eternally listed off at the end.
A little overwhelming when what you thought was healthy may not be as healthy as you thought...and this is just breakfast - I didn't even mention that the toast should have its first ingredient listed as whole wheat or that you may want to consider using one whole brown/organic egg and the other be egg whites only. There is a lot to learn, but as difficult and hard it may seem at times, I've enjoyed learning, trying new food (hello homemade chickpea and black bean burgers), and feeling better and knowing that I'm putting healthy stuff into my body that makes being healthy worth it.
So...as I continue giving you my adventures in healthy eating, I hope to reveal findings - what I learn, health advantages, health concerns, what's just interesting, what tasted really bad, what was surprisingly delicious, and maybe leave you with a few recipes like:
This breakfast I'm pretty in love with:
1 egg w/ 1/4 cup. egg whites (Eggland's Best organic Brown eggs/Eggbeaters - egg whites)
1 handful of spinach
salt/pepper to taste
1 slice of 100% whole wheat toast with Smuckers or TraderJose all-natural peanut butter
1/2 cup Vanilla low-fat Organic Yogurt (TraderJoes) - fresh berries if desired
I usually wilt the spinach first over medium heat. Add the egg/whites and salt and pepper to scramble.
Toast the bread and spread with peanut butter.
Top the yogurt with fresh berries.
And this one I'm more in love with (and often find eating for dinner)...
Southwestern style:
1 egg w/ 1/4 cup. egg whites (Eggland's Best organic Brown eggs/Eggbeaters - egg whites)
1 handful of spinach
pepper to taste
dash Chile powder
dash Cheyenne pepper
1/2 cup black beans - heated
3-4 slices avacado'
fresh cilantro
salsa
I usually wilt the spinach first over medium heat. Add the beaten egg/whites with pepper, Chile powder, Cheyenne pepper and let sit in medium pan to create an omelet. I usually find that once the bottom of omelet is cooked you can lift it and let the remaining liquid fall beneath the cooked bottom. Once most of the egg has cooked and there isn't too much liquid on the top, you can flip it over easier.
Heat up black beans with liquid from can while egg is cooking.
Once your egg is cooked, transfer it to a plate and top with heated black beans (I usually try to drain the black beans before putting on my egg).
Top with slices of avocado, fresh cilantro, and salsa if desired
Happy eating!
In the past few months, I've learned a lot about what I should and shouldn't buy, what I should start buying, and when/how I should eat. Taking small steps to change your outlook on physical activity and healthy eating can be difficult, but I've found it to be more rewarding and...dare I say...fun!
Okay, so I began this journey towards health when I met this guy. I didn't really start because of him, but his active lifestyle and wellspring of nutritional information definitely knocked my brain into gear - with my body sort of following in the physical realm as well. I first learned (although I was already fully aware) that instead of a lousy breakfast, you should have a substantial breakfast because, as we've all be told growing up - it helps us do better on tests. Since life, you may say, is one big test - you might as well start your day off with a healthy start. With that comes the fact that Poptarts are the worst breakfast and those packaged Cinnamon rolls and donuts that you can find at the gas station are probably right up there as well. You're probably thinking...well, duh...we all know this. And yes, we do...I do...and even though I have not had a poptart since high school, I was still a fan of cereal or keeping my breakfast as small in calorie count as possible. Instead, I realized I should eat more than 100 calories for breakfast - So, I learned that you can have two eggs, a piece of whole wheat toast with natural peanut butter, and a half cup of organic vanilla yogurt topped with fresh blackberries - you'll ace any test thrown at you.
Now...seems easy...and yummy. But it is easy to go wrong. And labels can be hard to trust because labels can easily lie and mislead with their "low-fat" and "low-calorie." So, looking at ingredients is important. Why? Well because if you just use any peanut butter, you might find that there are hydrogenated oils, which you definitely want to stay away from. Instead, the only ingredient your peanut butter should have is....peanuts. Wait...you're probably thinking that is the nasty kind of peanut butter that isn't good. Lies...all lies. If you go to your grocery store, I think you should try to pick up Smuckers Natural Peanut Butter, or TraderJoes has a great all-natural peanut butter that is pretty darn tasty - both only contain peanuts. And as far as yogurt - I once thought the "Active & Fit" or low-fat was a-okay, but then I realized after looking at ingredients that there are a lot of artificial sweeteners to get me "Active & Fit," that dreaded high fructose corn syrup stares me straight at the gut, and other chemicals I have no idea what they mean, how to pronounce them, or what their function is are eternally listed off at the end.
A little overwhelming when what you thought was healthy may not be as healthy as you thought...and this is just breakfast - I didn't even mention that the toast should have its first ingredient listed as whole wheat or that you may want to consider using one whole brown/organic egg and the other be egg whites only. There is a lot to learn, but as difficult and hard it may seem at times, I've enjoyed learning, trying new food (hello homemade chickpea and black bean burgers), and feeling better and knowing that I'm putting healthy stuff into my body that makes being healthy worth it.
So...as I continue giving you my adventures in healthy eating, I hope to reveal findings - what I learn, health advantages, health concerns, what's just interesting, what tasted really bad, what was surprisingly delicious, and maybe leave you with a few recipes like:
This breakfast I'm pretty in love with:
1 egg w/ 1/4 cup. egg whites (Eggland's Best organic Brown eggs/Eggbeaters - egg whites)
1 handful of spinach
salt/pepper to taste
1 slice of 100% whole wheat toast with Smuckers or TraderJose all-natural peanut butter
1/2 cup Vanilla low-fat Organic Yogurt (TraderJoes) - fresh berries if desired
I usually wilt the spinach first over medium heat. Add the egg/whites and salt and pepper to scramble.
Toast the bread and spread with peanut butter.
Top the yogurt with fresh berries.
And this one I'm more in love with (and often find eating for dinner)...
Southwestern style:
1 egg w/ 1/4 cup. egg whites (Eggland's Best organic Brown eggs/Eggbeaters - egg whites)
1 handful of spinach
pepper to taste
dash Chile powder
dash Cheyenne pepper
1/2 cup black beans - heated
3-4 slices avacado'
fresh cilantro
salsa
I usually wilt the spinach first over medium heat. Add the beaten egg/whites with pepper, Chile powder, Cheyenne pepper and let sit in medium pan to create an omelet. I usually find that once the bottom of omelet is cooked you can lift it and let the remaining liquid fall beneath the cooked bottom. Once most of the egg has cooked and there isn't too much liquid on the top, you can flip it over easier.
Heat up black beans with liquid from can while egg is cooking.
Once your egg is cooked, transfer it to a plate and top with heated black beans (I usually try to drain the black beans before putting on my egg).
Top with slices of avocado, fresh cilantro, and salsa if desired
Happy eating!
Monday, May 23, 2011
Perfect Pair
When you think of pairing chocolate, one of the things that comes to mind is...wine...maybe even raspberries or espresso or peanut butter. I'm pretty sure I've tried all combinations, but you know those orange shaped and wrapped and flavored chocolate? My mom loves those. At first I didn't, but now...oh man...now I love the pairing of chocolate and orange!
So as I had another opportunity to bake for a party, I whipped up my own version of the unique and delicious combination of chocolate and orange.
So as I had another opportunity to bake for a party, I whipped up my own version of the unique and delicious combination of chocolate and orange.
Chocolate Cupcake with Orange Buttercream
Garnished with Orange Zest
Friday, May 20, 2011
Coming Soon...
So...life is crazy.
These past few weeks and the ones looking ahead tend to always be...BUSY! I have so many posts I want to share and quite a few have to do with the creative juices that have been flowing lately. Unfortunately, you are going to have to wait until after this weekend to get something substantial due to birthday parties, graduation parties, and baby showers.
However, I am leaving you with a few things.
1. Pinterest.com - go start pinning. It is picture heaven and every girl's dream. Super fun to get ideas from this site and you can make it personal. Beware, it is a time sucker.
2. I joined Twitter due to my job (I know, right), but now that I am on this thing and have given my go at "tweeting," I'm a huge fan! There is a wellspring of information that you can get from being on Twitter, and I'm excited to share on my blog some of what I find as I act like a birdy.
3. I'm baking something yummy tonight...
4. Sharing about my adventures in organic, natural, fresh, and mostly vegetarian cooking
5. Two of my own craft/art projects coming your way!
These past few weeks and the ones looking ahead tend to always be...BUSY! I have so many posts I want to share and quite a few have to do with the creative juices that have been flowing lately. Unfortunately, you are going to have to wait until after this weekend to get something substantial due to birthday parties, graduation parties, and baby showers.
However, I am leaving you with a few things.
1. Pinterest.com - go start pinning. It is picture heaven and every girl's dream. Super fun to get ideas from this site and you can make it personal. Beware, it is a time sucker.
2. I joined Twitter due to my job (I know, right), but now that I am on this thing and have given my go at "tweeting," I'm a huge fan! There is a wellspring of information that you can get from being on Twitter, and I'm excited to share on my blog some of what I find as I act like a birdy.
3. I'm baking something yummy tonight...
4. Sharing about my adventures in organic, natural, fresh, and mostly vegetarian cooking
5. Two of my own craft/art projects coming your way!
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
Sound of White
Picture a room with white walls...nothing else.
Now...put a group of men in this room and ask them to describe it. Well, they would call it a...um....white wall. Maybe a creative guy would say....plain wall. Then maybe a guy would find some Family Guy reference, they all laugh. End of discussion. From their perspective, there is nothing else to talk about.
Switch gears.
Put a group of women in this white-wall room and ask them to describe it. Well, they may start with the description of "white china" walls. Some one would inevitably go "Ohhh...nice description," which would eventually lead to this group of girls talking home decor. You know where my head goes...neutral color palate...white walls, antique finished furniture, sackcloth/linen pillows in tan or beige, Hydrangea flowers sitting in a clear vase, maybe a pop of color like navy (on pillows, a chair, a seat cover, a glass votive on the mantle...wait..yes...there is a fireplace in my imaginary room). Woah! You just got yourself a whole room. FROM A WHITE WALL.
Complicated. Girls think...a lot. This thinking can be a battle to fight. Not that thinking isn't good, but it can often get us in trouble if we let ourselves "go there." Go where, you ask? Well...anywhere. Girls are like spaghetti...they intertwine every detail of their life with another - whether they are related or not and somehow we think into the future and make sure we consider if we need leftovers for tomorrow. It can be exhausting - this thinking, analyzing, nit-picking, wondering, speculating, assuming, confirming, denying, questioning, revising, re-revising.
Sigh.
My brain needs a break. Which is exactly my point. How many times do I have to remind myself that all of those -ings can often be useless and only make things worse. Women like control...women want to be in control and to know what is coming - I do at least. Don't get me wrong - I like surprises, but usually, I don't want to wait and I want clarity and answers. Well, God is funny and doesn't work on my time...and that is always a good thing that I realize after-the-fact. The part I just need to continually work on is patience and trust. I think I gave up trust today. I wanted to do my own thing...didn't want to care to do it right anymore...wanted to know answers and know "the plan." No worries, I still don't know "the plan" and I know I never fully will, but I guess that is what makes me come back to stand in a white-wall room and let Him paint the picture.
Now...put a group of men in this room and ask them to describe it. Well, they would call it a...um....white wall. Maybe a creative guy would say....plain wall. Then maybe a guy would find some Family Guy reference, they all laugh. End of discussion. From their perspective, there is nothing else to talk about.
Switch gears.
Put a group of women in this white-wall room and ask them to describe it. Well, they may start with the description of "white china" walls. Some one would inevitably go "Ohhh...nice description," which would eventually lead to this group of girls talking home decor. You know where my head goes...neutral color palate...white walls, antique finished furniture, sackcloth/linen pillows in tan or beige, Hydrangea flowers sitting in a clear vase, maybe a pop of color like navy (on pillows, a chair, a seat cover, a glass votive on the mantle...wait..yes...there is a fireplace in my imaginary room). Woah! You just got yourself a whole room. FROM A WHITE WALL.
Complicated. Girls think...a lot. This thinking can be a battle to fight. Not that thinking isn't good, but it can often get us in trouble if we let ourselves "go there." Go where, you ask? Well...anywhere. Girls are like spaghetti...they intertwine every detail of their life with another - whether they are related or not and somehow we think into the future and make sure we consider if we need leftovers for tomorrow. It can be exhausting - this thinking, analyzing, nit-picking, wondering, speculating, assuming, confirming, denying, questioning, revising, re-revising.
Sigh.
My brain needs a break. Which is exactly my point. How many times do I have to remind myself that all of those -ings can often be useless and only make things worse. Women like control...women want to be in control and to know what is coming - I do at least. Don't get me wrong - I like surprises, but usually, I don't want to wait and I want clarity and answers. Well, God is funny and doesn't work on my time...and that is always a good thing that I realize after-the-fact. The part I just need to continually work on is patience and trust. I think I gave up trust today. I wanted to do my own thing...didn't want to care to do it right anymore...wanted to know answers and know "the plan." No worries, I still don't know "the plan" and I know I never fully will, but I guess that is what makes me come back to stand in a white-wall room and let Him paint the picture.
Thursday, May 5, 2011
Pancakes
Good morning!!
I've officially completed my Bootcamp class for today. Yes, I have been crazy to do this and wake up at 5:00 so Darlene, the class instructor, can ferouciously kick my ass into shape every Tuesday, Thursday, and sometimes Saturday mornings. It is a vicious class - I'm sore, sometimes I feel like I could pass out or throw up, and other times I feel like the female version of Rocky when I run for four minutes at a 10 incline and do other crazy workouts within an hour.
So...with Bootcamp and a boyfriend that has a Nutrition and Fitness degree, the way I view my "active" life and the food I eat is slowly being transformed. Ignore the last bit of chocolate bunny I finally demolished last night (hey, it's dark chocolate - so it is healthy, right?!). Anyways...back on target. Since the sun is out right now, I'm feeling energized from my workout - even though it was impossible to keep my arms up to wash my hair or put on my mascara, I'm in a good mood, feeling in shape, and feeling good about the things I'm putting in my body - for the most part. It is Cinco de Mayo so I'm not too sure how well I'll do tonight, but I'm starting the day out right....and eating my version of Banana Pancakes:
1/2 c. oatmeal (before cooked)
1 teaspoon of cinnamon
1 tablespoon of Smuckers Natural Peanut Butter (the only ingredient is peanuts and less than 1% of salt)
1 banana
Just cook up that oatmeal, add a little cinnanmon and peanut butter and add the banana into the mix when it is done cookin' and you've got yourself a great and filling breakfast that is super healthy for you!
I've officially completed my Bootcamp class for today. Yes, I have been crazy to do this and wake up at 5:00 so Darlene, the class instructor, can ferouciously kick my ass into shape every Tuesday, Thursday, and sometimes Saturday mornings. It is a vicious class - I'm sore, sometimes I feel like I could pass out or throw up, and other times I feel like the female version of Rocky when I run for four minutes at a 10 incline and do other crazy workouts within an hour.
So...with Bootcamp and a boyfriend that has a Nutrition and Fitness degree, the way I view my "active" life and the food I eat is slowly being transformed. Ignore the last bit of chocolate bunny I finally demolished last night (hey, it's dark chocolate - so it is healthy, right?!). Anyways...back on target. Since the sun is out right now, I'm feeling energized from my workout - even though it was impossible to keep my arms up to wash my hair or put on my mascara, I'm in a good mood, feeling in shape, and feeling good about the things I'm putting in my body - for the most part. It is Cinco de Mayo so I'm not too sure how well I'll do tonight, but I'm starting the day out right....and eating my version of Banana Pancakes:
1/2 c. oatmeal (before cooked)
1 teaspoon of cinnamon
1 tablespoon of Smuckers Natural Peanut Butter (the only ingredient is peanuts and less than 1% of salt)
1 banana
Just cook up that oatmeal, add a little cinnanmon and peanut butter and add the banana into the mix when it is done cookin' and you've got yourself a great and filling breakfast that is super healthy for you!
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
BaDonkadonk
Every.Woman’s.Battle.
Two.Simple.Words.
Self
Image
If it is true that men think about sex every 3-7 minutes (or whatever ridiculously short amount of time that statistic states), I’m pretty sure girls think about their image in that ridiculously short amount of time.
Look at self in mirror before shower…analyze…pick…turn head to side…suck in…push out…push up (no, not the exercise)…sigh...better hop in shower before late to work.
Towel wrapped around wet hair while standing in front of closet…What should I wear today? What is going to make me look skinny? What is going to get the attention of the opposite sex? What item will get compliments from co-workers, friends, mom, dad, cousin, gas station attendant, sales clerk, anyone-that-would-see-me? Grab washed, clean pants…crap…they need to stretch a bit so I don’t feel pudgy. So we do the little stretchy movement…bend down, bend over, sit down…ugh…I feel fat. I should watch what I eat more. I’m not in shape like other girls. Wish I didn’t have these hips and thighs…I need to go on a diet and firm up my belly. And so begins the downward spiral of self-image.
All of this is just the beginning…just part of a morning routine. This doesn’t include the magazines and diet books we see as we wait in line at the grocery store, the Facebook status updates of our friends sharing the progression of their diet and pounds lost, the constant talk of friends who want to lose “just 5 pounds” to feel satisfied even though they are sizes lower than you and look like a million bucks, the fact that your siblings got the “tall and skinny” gene and you wondered what happen to you, the rib-bearing models who sell the clothing you are supposed to have, or the television shows that often spike thoughts about self-image like Biggest Loser, The Bachelorette, The Real Housewives of Plastic, The Kardashians….
For the most part, men may struggle with lust more often than women, but more often than not, women battle the lust, the appetite for physical “perfection.”
So where does a girl even begin? How do we combat the daily struggle to fight destructive self-image thoughts, ideas, perceptions, and actions? How do we help those women who struggle with this more than ourselves? How do we tear down lies and build up truth? How do we impact a younger generation that faces the same dangerous messages? There are a million answers – a million suggestions, educated answers that any girl could spout off to you. The answers I have come from my own experiences, my own beliefs, and my own study and slight research of this topic. But most off all, I think that every women needs to define and re-define.
You see, the world (the fashion world) says that if you are a size 6, you are on the border of being too big. Here’s the truth…I’m anywhere between a size 8 and 10. This doesn’t exclude the fact that I used to run between a size 12-14 and it doesn’t exclude the fact that the average size of an American women is around a size 10. My question to you is how are we going to re-define this idea of what is too big? Can there be a “perfect” size. No. Because if you tell me that I can be a size 0 like my sister, you are telling me that my hip bones are as small as hers. I’m pretty sure in order for that to be true, I need to go saw off some bone or crush them closer together. That just sounds like a little too much work and pain for my liking. Pear, Apple, Whole wheat Spaghetti noodle, carrot, petite plum…whatever food fits your fancy…not everyone can expect to fall into the “ideal” size. Apples and Oranges.
So, wait…I’m telling you I was a size 14. Yes, I was. Yes…I am not any longer. So what did I do to lose the weight? Aren’t I being a little contradictory? Look – I was overweight – or “well nourished” as one doctor wrote during a routine physical in high school. Clearly I forgot about that memory. I didn’t watch what I ate. I’m addicted to anything chocolate. I liked my snacks of Cheetos and Hostess Cupcakes and double portions of dinner and there was probably emotional eating as well…and eating out of boredom. I played sports in high school which also gave me a reason to justify how I ate. My decision to lose weight came from the low self-image I had of myself and my emotional self-indulgence. Not because I was necessarily…eh…fat…but because I knew I could get worse if I didn’t make a change, in college I decided that I needled to lose weight...the old fashion way – exercise at least 3 times a week for 30-45 minutes, and stick to 1500-1700 hundred calories a day. Guess what – wow…it worked. Plans like Weight Watches, South Beach, Atkins, Restrictive-eating, pills, Slim Fast, may work for some – but do they give you the tools you need to take yourself off a diet and keep the weight off? Do they teach you how to shop for food at the grocery store? Most importantly, do they give you a well-balanced diet, that god-forbid, includes carbohydrates?! Re-define and research what healthy and diet really mean before diets that promoted “meal shakes,” “full bars,” diet pills and carb-free came to be all the rage.
Finally, definitely not last on the millions of answers, but definitely the most important. Granted…some may not believe in what I’m going to say next, but I don’t know any other more sensible and reasonable answer. Do you realize you are loved? I know, here she goes on her crazy train to crazy town. But seriously…Do you know what all humans desire? Unfailing love. Think about it. You do…you desire to be loved. I know I do…and often my appetite to be skinny…to be “perfect” is really just a greater desire to be accepted and loved and to hear someone say that there is nothing that they would change about who I am. And the truth is you are and I am loved. But I’m not talking about the love and acceptance from a spouse/bf, a friend, a society, a community, a world. I’m thankful for that kind of love, BUT (and there is a but)…There is a greater pursuer who has said that you are beautiful the way you were created. That every detail about you was carefully considered and planned out from the very beginning. That there is nothing – absolutely nothing – that can take away your value and worth and beauty. From the hangnail on your toe to the oily hair follicle on your head – you are beautifully loved through and through. Remember that. Remember that there was effort and work to make you who you are and no one compares to you…which means this game I play, you play, of comparing yourself to another person whether they are prettier or “uglier” is obsolete…useless…self-torture…selfish…hurtful…unloving. He first loved us...what would happen if we dug deeper to discover what that love really looked like?
I have a feeling maybe the statistic would no longer be only 7 minutes…
Two.Simple.Words.
Self
Image
If it is true that men think about sex every 3-7 minutes (or whatever ridiculously short amount of time that statistic states), I’m pretty sure girls think about their image in that ridiculously short amount of time.
Look at self in mirror before shower…analyze…pick…turn head to side…suck in…push out…push up (no, not the exercise)…sigh...better hop in shower before late to work.
Towel wrapped around wet hair while standing in front of closet…What should I wear today? What is going to make me look skinny? What is going to get the attention of the opposite sex? What item will get compliments from co-workers, friends, mom, dad, cousin, gas station attendant, sales clerk, anyone-that-would-see-me? Grab washed, clean pants…crap…they need to stretch a bit so I don’t feel pudgy. So we do the little stretchy movement…bend down, bend over, sit down…ugh…I feel fat. I should watch what I eat more. I’m not in shape like other girls. Wish I didn’t have these hips and thighs…I need to go on a diet and firm up my belly. And so begins the downward spiral of self-image.
All of this is just the beginning…just part of a morning routine. This doesn’t include the magazines and diet books we see as we wait in line at the grocery store, the Facebook status updates of our friends sharing the progression of their diet and pounds lost, the constant talk of friends who want to lose “just 5 pounds” to feel satisfied even though they are sizes lower than you and look like a million bucks, the fact that your siblings got the “tall and skinny” gene and you wondered what happen to you, the rib-bearing models who sell the clothing you are supposed to have, or the television shows that often spike thoughts about self-image like Biggest Loser, The Bachelorette, The Real Housewives of Plastic, The Kardashians….
For the most part, men may struggle with lust more often than women, but more often than not, women battle the lust, the appetite for physical “perfection.”
So where does a girl even begin? How do we combat the daily struggle to fight destructive self-image thoughts, ideas, perceptions, and actions? How do we help those women who struggle with this more than ourselves? How do we tear down lies and build up truth? How do we impact a younger generation that faces the same dangerous messages? There are a million answers – a million suggestions, educated answers that any girl could spout off to you. The answers I have come from my own experiences, my own beliefs, and my own study and slight research of this topic. But most off all, I think that every women needs to define and re-define.
You see, the world (the fashion world) says that if you are a size 6, you are on the border of being too big. Here’s the truth…I’m anywhere between a size 8 and 10. This doesn’t exclude the fact that I used to run between a size 12-14 and it doesn’t exclude the fact that the average size of an American women is around a size 10. My question to you is how are we going to re-define this idea of what is too big? Can there be a “perfect” size. No. Because if you tell me that I can be a size 0 like my sister, you are telling me that my hip bones are as small as hers. I’m pretty sure in order for that to be true, I need to go saw off some bone or crush them closer together. That just sounds like a little too much work and pain for my liking. Pear, Apple, Whole wheat Spaghetti noodle, carrot, petite plum…whatever food fits your fancy…not everyone can expect to fall into the “ideal” size. Apples and Oranges.
So, wait…I’m telling you I was a size 14. Yes, I was. Yes…I am not any longer. So what did I do to lose the weight? Aren’t I being a little contradictory? Look – I was overweight – or “well nourished” as one doctor wrote during a routine physical in high school. Clearly I forgot about that memory. I didn’t watch what I ate. I’m addicted to anything chocolate. I liked my snacks of Cheetos and Hostess Cupcakes and double portions of dinner and there was probably emotional eating as well…and eating out of boredom. I played sports in high school which also gave me a reason to justify how I ate. My decision to lose weight came from the low self-image I had of myself and my emotional self-indulgence. Not because I was necessarily…eh…fat…but because I knew I could get worse if I didn’t make a change, in college I decided that I needled to lose weight...the old fashion way – exercise at least 3 times a week for 30-45 minutes, and stick to 1500-1700 hundred calories a day. Guess what – wow…it worked. Plans like Weight Watches, South Beach, Atkins, Restrictive-eating, pills, Slim Fast, may work for some – but do they give you the tools you need to take yourself off a diet and keep the weight off? Do they teach you how to shop for food at the grocery store? Most importantly, do they give you a well-balanced diet, that god-forbid, includes carbohydrates?! Re-define and research what healthy and diet really mean before diets that promoted “meal shakes,” “full bars,” diet pills and carb-free came to be all the rage.
Finally, definitely not last on the millions of answers, but definitely the most important. Granted…some may not believe in what I’m going to say next, but I don’t know any other more sensible and reasonable answer. Do you realize you are loved? I know, here she goes on her crazy train to crazy town. But seriously…Do you know what all humans desire? Unfailing love. Think about it. You do…you desire to be loved. I know I do…and often my appetite to be skinny…to be “perfect” is really just a greater desire to be accepted and loved and to hear someone say that there is nothing that they would change about who I am. And the truth is you are and I am loved. But I’m not talking about the love and acceptance from a spouse/bf, a friend, a society, a community, a world. I’m thankful for that kind of love, BUT (and there is a but)…There is a greater pursuer who has said that you are beautiful the way you were created. That every detail about you was carefully considered and planned out from the very beginning. That there is nothing – absolutely nothing – that can take away your value and worth and beauty. From the hangnail on your toe to the oily hair follicle on your head – you are beautifully loved through and through. Remember that. Remember that there was effort and work to make you who you are and no one compares to you…which means this game I play, you play, of comparing yourself to another person whether they are prettier or “uglier” is obsolete…useless…self-torture…selfish…hurtful…unloving. He first loved us...what would happen if we dug deeper to discover what that love really looked like?
I have a feeling maybe the statistic would no longer be only 7 minutes…
Monday, April 18, 2011
Writer's Block
Oh hi.
So you may feel I’ve neglected this bloggity. I haven’t. I visit it every week. Just recently, I’ve been having issues. I come…type…backspace…type type….backspace backspace…type type type type type….abandon draft. I’ve thought about leaving more music up here that I enjoy or like the lyrics of…but then I don’t want you to truly judge me about them – I know I’m everywhere on the dart board with them so just accept it. Yes, I like “Crush” by American Idol David Archuleta. No, I do not like his Stage Dad. No, I don’t know any of his other songs. Yes, I do love Jonsi. Yes they are weird and eclectic and some things are sung in Icelandic and I have no idea what he is signing…but I might be weird and eclectic in my own way and am okay with not knowing every meaning of the song. I’m sure you already know that, though. I’ve even thought about revamping this blog to be about baking and cooking…because I secretly dream that I could own my own bakery/lunch-in and do that for a living. But my resources are limited…I’m not too optimistic about it. It is a dream…and I will dream about it for a while, but I must admit that it can only be a fun little hobby for now….and if you happen to ask me for some dessert for a shower or something like that I would be willing. I’ve also dreamed about photography, but I’m still young and growing in my skills. I have been paid for some work, but mostly it is just for free to get some subjects to photograph. Great marketing strategy, I know. Free…I’ll do it for free, but I really would rather not. But I’m hospitable and like cooking for people, so more than not, you’ll get home made goodness from me for free. There are many things I think about and wish I could figure out how to write it all. I could talk to you about my ventures through the education world…except I’m on the side where I was told in college that there would be a dire need for teachers when I graduated. Well, I’m almost 3 year out and still no job – only budget cuts and young minds being affected with every decision whether good or bad. I could talk to you about this Bootcamp class that currently has my back and shoulder muscles screaming at me, yet the battle I had with ThinMints last night might make those muscles turn into a consistency like peanut butter. I took a little day trip to Mizzou, which was one of the best mini-day trips I’ve had in a long time. I stepped in a puddle…the only puddle I saw that day (or didn’t see – clearly). I could give you my little rating of the movies that I have recently seen and how I had to close my eyes at 127 hrs. when James Franco cuts through his nerve. Ugh…my stomach still drops just thinking about it. Not sure if my opinion is valid though considering I end up falling asleep to most movies I watch if it is after 7 and I’ve worked all day or I sit down and finally realize how tired I am. I could even write about this lovely, fantastic, life that I have. Tell you about a boy who caught me blindsided and makes me float in the air like a balloon. About the kickball league and sporty things I’ve been doing….and if you’re still reading…I’m impressed. Maybe you are truly interested in my life…or maybe you’re just a creeper. Either way, I need to write, and I need you to know that sometimes my posts will not be very interesting and other times they will…but I’m going to try to take a little leap and get a little more real with you. I’m a girl who cares what other people think and for once, I think I may be ready to be a little more open and not feel like I’m trying to step on egg shells through this blog…It is time to discover and learn and write freely…
So you may feel I’ve neglected this bloggity. I haven’t. I visit it every week. Just recently, I’ve been having issues. I come…type…backspace…type type….backspace backspace…type type type type type….abandon draft. I’ve thought about leaving more music up here that I enjoy or like the lyrics of…but then I don’t want you to truly judge me about them – I know I’m everywhere on the dart board with them so just accept it. Yes, I like “Crush” by American Idol David Archuleta. No, I do not like his Stage Dad. No, I don’t know any of his other songs. Yes, I do love Jonsi. Yes they are weird and eclectic and some things are sung in Icelandic and I have no idea what he is signing…but I might be weird and eclectic in my own way and am okay with not knowing every meaning of the song. I’m sure you already know that, though. I’ve even thought about revamping this blog to be about baking and cooking…because I secretly dream that I could own my own bakery/lunch-in and do that for a living. But my resources are limited…I’m not too optimistic about it. It is a dream…and I will dream about it for a while, but I must admit that it can only be a fun little hobby for now….and if you happen to ask me for some dessert for a shower or something like that I would be willing. I’ve also dreamed about photography, but I’m still young and growing in my skills. I have been paid for some work, but mostly it is just for free to get some subjects to photograph. Great marketing strategy, I know. Free…I’ll do it for free, but I really would rather not. But I’m hospitable and like cooking for people, so more than not, you’ll get home made goodness from me for free. There are many things I think about and wish I could figure out how to write it all. I could talk to you about my ventures through the education world…except I’m on the side where I was told in college that there would be a dire need for teachers when I graduated. Well, I’m almost 3 year out and still no job – only budget cuts and young minds being affected with every decision whether good or bad. I could talk to you about this Bootcamp class that currently has my back and shoulder muscles screaming at me, yet the battle I had with ThinMints last night might make those muscles turn into a consistency like peanut butter. I took a little day trip to Mizzou, which was one of the best mini-day trips I’ve had in a long time. I stepped in a puddle…the only puddle I saw that day (or didn’t see – clearly). I could give you my little rating of the movies that I have recently seen and how I had to close my eyes at 127 hrs. when James Franco cuts through his nerve. Ugh…my stomach still drops just thinking about it. Not sure if my opinion is valid though considering I end up falling asleep to most movies I watch if it is after 7 and I’ve worked all day or I sit down and finally realize how tired I am. I could even write about this lovely, fantastic, life that I have. Tell you about a boy who caught me blindsided and makes me float in the air like a balloon. About the kickball league and sporty things I’ve been doing….and if you’re still reading…I’m impressed. Maybe you are truly interested in my life…or maybe you’re just a creeper. Either way, I need to write, and I need you to know that sometimes my posts will not be very interesting and other times they will…but I’m going to try to take a little leap and get a little more real with you. I’m a girl who cares what other people think and for once, I think I may be ready to be a little more open and not feel like I’m trying to step on egg shells through this blog…It is time to discover and learn and write freely…
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
Smelling
You know you come from a line of exceptional cooks when your grandma could make a frozen pizza taste like it was made in Italy. Maybe it was just the love she sprinkled when putting that frozen cheese pizza in the oven, but my siblings and I will tell you that it was most delicous when she made it. Forget DiGiorno pizza…we just need grandma’s cheap, frozen pizza. Besides her strange magic over our pie, my grandma was a great cook. She always made Thanksgiving meal to a T. Cross your t’s and dot your i’s, she had it down to a science. Summer picnic? You bet her potato salad was required to be there. And if we were at her apartment sitting around the dinner table, her cinnamon apples were worlds better than Cracker Barrel. The only catch is that these things like potato salad and homemade Thanksgiving stuffing don’t have recipes, and the way to tell if you are making it right in our family is by the smell. That’s right…the smell. Naturally, my mom picked up my grandma’s cooking skills and has mastered the stuffing and potato salad. Luckily for me, I’m the daughter that has picked up this passion and love for cooking and as a result has stuck my nose in stuffing to breathe in “the smell” and let it permeate my mind for eternity.
As I’ve ventured into my own world where mom is no longer expected to have a meal ready every night, I’m discovering how much I love to cook and bake for myself and others. There is great accomplishment that comes when I try a recipe and get to savor the fact that it actually made my taste buds bloom. Even better when the people around me love it just as much. All I ask is that if I make something for you, you have to be honest about how it really tastes.
Current ingredient obsessions (in no particular order):
Cajun/Cheyenne/Chili Powder
Espresso
Black Beans
Cilantro/Parsley
Dark Chocolate
Sun-dried Tomatoes
As I’ve ventured into my own world where mom is no longer expected to have a meal ready every night, I’m discovering how much I love to cook and bake for myself and others. There is great accomplishment that comes when I try a recipe and get to savor the fact that it actually made my taste buds bloom. Even better when the people around me love it just as much. All I ask is that if I make something for you, you have to be honest about how it really tastes.
Current ingredient obsessions (in no particular order):
Cajun/Cheyenne/Chili Powder
Espresso
Black Beans
Cilantro/Parsley
Dark Chocolate
Sun-dried Tomatoes
Friday, April 1, 2011
Happy Thoughts
I must have found my Lucky Marbles. This week has been a Dave Barnes/Matt Wertz type music week and maybe it is because their music gives me the wonderful feeling of summertime while my hands and feet currently feel like iciles, but maybe, just maybe, when you unexpectedly find your marbles life just seems....blissful.
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Friends on Ships
They take your ugly and deal with it. Somehow it remains – that you can always be yourself and you understand them and they understand you. Not always, of course, but in those times of disagreement or trouble, they remain. And it isn’t always bad – usually the ugly is just a fleeting moment in the grand scheme of things. The good is something that can’t fully be expressed to perfection because after a while, it seems to just be innate because you know a person so well – what makes them tick.
Friendship has been a recurring blessing throughout my life, and more than ever, I’ve been a little overwhelmed by how much I love the people – the friends – in my life.
The old tale goes that my best childhood friend and I met in the church nursery and from that moment on, we were inseparable. She lived down the street – so whenever we had sleepovers or wanted to hang out we would always end our phone calls with “meet you halfway” and meet each other to walk to the decided home. Anything she did I wanted to do – case in point – when she was given permission to start shaving her legs, I begged my mom to let me shave mine. When she got a cute new haircut, I wanted the same. We faced our little bumps along the way, especially during our awkward middle school girl age, but today I consider her my sister. It is not often that when you are young and declare that one day you’ll be in each other’s wedding that it actually happens, but I happily get to stand behind her as she marries her fiancé this year. 25 year of friendship is unique for a 25 year old.
During then end of my junior year of high school, I became a part of a Three Musketeer friendship – we have the independent faithful one, the do-anything-for-you fashionista, and me (I guess I would dub myself as the sweet, eccentric one). Without one of them, something is always missing. We have shared pain, joy, fun, and they often remind me of C.S. Lewis’ friendship he had with JRR Tolkien and Charles Williams. I wholeheartedly dread the possibility, but can greatly understand Lewis when he writes:
In each of my friends there is something that only some other friend can fully bring out. By myself I am not large enough to call the whole man into activity; I want other lights than my own to show all his facets. Now that Charles [Williams] is dead, I shall never again see Ronald's [Tolkien] reaction to a specifically Caroline joke. Far from having more of Ronald, having him 'to myself' now that Charles is away, I have less of Ronald. ... We possess each friend not less but more as the number of those with whom we share him increases.
College: Well, I lived in a 1-bathroom house with 7 other girls. Once you sit on the toilet while one is in the shower and another is brushing her teeth, you can call yourselves intimate. This house, The Pea Pod, produced so much in my life. Taught me to love, to speak truth, to get out of my shy rut and be a schmidge weird, to be open and transparent. My Peas will always be close in my heart.
I have all these beautiful friendships and you would think that this would be enough – that I couldn’t possible need anymore, but God is big on love, and there are many to love. He is funny and works in crazy ways – even to the point that he brought an old high school friend back into my life – She always inspired me with her wit and was the one high school friend I often thought about as we moved on – wondered how she was doing. Random circumstances led me into her small group through church, and we so easily picked up our insanity and throw in some grown-up conversation too. Through that friendship, I met one of her college roommates, who now is also a crazy awesome friend who has brought fun, faith, her dog, and an added bonus to my life. Ah! I’m exploding with friendship!
Why am I so blessed to have all of these friendships? I don’t think it is because I’m cool because they are way cooler than me. I don’t think I’ll ever really wrap my brain around the quality and abundance of my friends, but I do know that I am thankful beyond reason. Truly – I have no reason to have all of these people in my life, but I do and they bring me pure joy.
Friendship has been a recurring blessing throughout my life, and more than ever, I’ve been a little overwhelmed by how much I love the people – the friends – in my life.
The old tale goes that my best childhood friend and I met in the church nursery and from that moment on, we were inseparable. She lived down the street – so whenever we had sleepovers or wanted to hang out we would always end our phone calls with “meet you halfway” and meet each other to walk to the decided home. Anything she did I wanted to do – case in point – when she was given permission to start shaving her legs, I begged my mom to let me shave mine. When she got a cute new haircut, I wanted the same. We faced our little bumps along the way, especially during our awkward middle school girl age, but today I consider her my sister. It is not often that when you are young and declare that one day you’ll be in each other’s wedding that it actually happens, but I happily get to stand behind her as she marries her fiancé this year. 25 year of friendship is unique for a 25 year old.
During then end of my junior year of high school, I became a part of a Three Musketeer friendship – we have the independent faithful one, the do-anything-for-you fashionista, and me (I guess I would dub myself as the sweet, eccentric one). Without one of them, something is always missing. We have shared pain, joy, fun, and they often remind me of C.S. Lewis’ friendship he had with JRR Tolkien and Charles Williams. I wholeheartedly dread the possibility, but can greatly understand Lewis when he writes:
In each of my friends there is something that only some other friend can fully bring out. By myself I am not large enough to call the whole man into activity; I want other lights than my own to show all his facets. Now that Charles [Williams] is dead, I shall never again see Ronald's [Tolkien] reaction to a specifically Caroline joke. Far from having more of Ronald, having him 'to myself' now that Charles is away, I have less of Ronald. ... We possess each friend not less but more as the number of those with whom we share him increases.
College: Well, I lived in a 1-bathroom house with 7 other girls. Once you sit on the toilet while one is in the shower and another is brushing her teeth, you can call yourselves intimate. This house, The Pea Pod, produced so much in my life. Taught me to love, to speak truth, to get out of my shy rut and be a schmidge weird, to be open and transparent. My Peas will always be close in my heart.
I have all these beautiful friendships and you would think that this would be enough – that I couldn’t possible need anymore, but God is big on love, and there are many to love. He is funny and works in crazy ways – even to the point that he brought an old high school friend back into my life – She always inspired me with her wit and was the one high school friend I often thought about as we moved on – wondered how she was doing. Random circumstances led me into her small group through church, and we so easily picked up our insanity and throw in some grown-up conversation too. Through that friendship, I met one of her college roommates, who now is also a crazy awesome friend who has brought fun, faith, her dog, and an added bonus to my life. Ah! I’m exploding with friendship!
Why am I so blessed to have all of these friendships? I don’t think it is because I’m cool because they are way cooler than me. I don’t think I’ll ever really wrap my brain around the quality and abundance of my friends, but I do know that I am thankful beyond reason. Truly – I have no reason to have all of these people in my life, but I do and they bring me pure joy.
Thursday, March 10, 2011
Beyond Functional
A great creator does not see his work as something apart from himself. What the creator makes is a statement about the creator, and a manifestation of their sensibilities, which is one with their experiences. Our modern buildings, our strip malls and stripped-down buildings say that our culture is one with efficiency, with selling goods and services. Was God being efficient when He created a woman, or was He being extravagant? Is a cloud the most efficient way to water crops, or is it functional and aesthetically brilliant? Are the sunrise and sunset more than a functional way to dim the lights?
- Donald Miller
I would call myself a creative person. I'm a visual learner. Give me pictures. Give me something to touch, to imagine, to picture in my mind. Let me look close up. Give me Monet's "Water Lilies" and I will get my nose so close to that painting so I can see the strokes, the lines in the paint from the bristles. Paint a story, write a song, capture a memory, be descriptive, use color, explore texture. Create.
The other night I just needed to use my hands - feed my need. Paint, clothespins, paper. That is all I had and I really can't tell you what I started will end up being used for, but that is okay with me. One day its purpose will be revealed.
What I love most about Donald Miller's quote is the fact that maybe God didn't need to make women extravagant or create clouds with so much beauty that ignite the imagination of children's minds as they fight to see an animal, but He did - and his creation, though needed and created for function, is breathtaking and a reflection - a statement - of his character. I see love there. Someone who has made something tick and work so well but at the same time so unique and beyond the means and into the beauty.
I hope I can take that type of mindset and put it into my work - to remember that it isn't just about function or creating something to fill a need or result, but to produce beauty - something that represents so much more beyond what is expected.
Saturday, March 5, 2011
LOVE-ing
Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat....and one more time.
Today I officially declare it, "Girly-shove-your-face-with-chocolate-look-cute-doing-it-be-giddy-about-everything-take-pictures-to-document-your-new-sweater-dress-to-look-good-on-facebook-talk-talk-talk-talk-i-love-my-girl-friends-and-our-insane-ability-to-be-uber-girly-i-need-to-know-every-detail-in-the-story-or-we're-not-friends-anymore-type-of-day-oh-by-the-way-i-love-your-nail-polish-where-did-you-get-it?" Whew. I'm usually not this girly....I mean, I'm a girl...and I like being girly and dressing up and filling up my talk-o-meter tank with all things girly. But it isn't common that I find a day like today where I am hosting a DELECTABLE dessert-filled get-together, and later this evening I have a bachelorette dinner to go to. Overload. No worries....I've made the chocolate chip cookies, prepared the fruit and dip, made chocolate covered pretzels and chocolate covered strawberries, and have all my fancy and girly dishes to display it all upon....
Apart from uber girliness, my personal trainer is not going to be happy. Don't worry - I've got it down 5, 15, 10 with non-isolated weight lifting and no more crunches. :-) I'll get on that starting Monday...until then:
BRING ON THE CHOCOLATE AND PUT ADELE-ish LOVE SONGS ON REPEAT!
Today I officially declare it, "Girly-shove-your-face-with-chocolate-look-cute-doing-it-be-giddy-about-everything-take-pictures-to-document-your-new-sweater-dress-to-look-good-on-facebook-talk-talk-talk-talk-i-love-my-girl-friends-and-our-insane-ability-to-be-uber-girly-i-need-to-know-every-detail-in-the-story-or-we're-not-friends-anymore-type-of-day-oh-by-the-way-i-love-your-nail-polish-where-did-you-get-it?" Whew. I'm usually not this girly....I mean, I'm a girl...and I like being girly and dressing up and filling up my talk-o-meter tank with all things girly. But it isn't common that I find a day like today where I am hosting a DELECTABLE dessert-filled get-together, and later this evening I have a bachelorette dinner to go to. Overload. No worries....I've made the chocolate chip cookies, prepared the fruit and dip, made chocolate covered pretzels and chocolate covered strawberries, and have all my fancy and girly dishes to display it all upon....
Apart from uber girliness, my personal trainer is not going to be happy. Don't worry - I've got it down 5, 15, 10 with non-isolated weight lifting and no more crunches. :-) I'll get on that starting Monday...until then:
BRING ON THE CHOCOLATE AND PUT ADELE-ish LOVE SONGS ON REPEAT!
Friday, March 4, 2011
Coveting
Okay...so I know its wrong.
But sometimes I just want something so bad....sometimes I wish I could just have endless amounts of money so I could buy whatever I want...sometimes I wish I could just look so put together all the time and be my unique self and express it with my clothes, gadgets (hello iPad 2), and shoes....ugh...i love shoes. Not to mention, my boss gave me flowers today to show her appreciation for me (since it is Employee Appreciation Day)....which just makes me wish i could have money to buy fresh flowers and have them in my place all the time - even though I know they don't last and eventually mold within the vase because I let them die a very long death, and I'm too lazy to throw them in the trash. I know these things won't satisfy me and I need to get a grip on life and my bank account...
And for now, I just tell myself I don't need these things at all and will survive without them, but a girl can dream...boy oh boy, she can.
But sometimes I just want something so bad....sometimes I wish I could just have endless amounts of money so I could buy whatever I want...sometimes I wish I could just look so put together all the time and be my unique self and express it with my clothes, gadgets (hello iPad 2), and shoes....ugh...i love shoes. Not to mention, my boss gave me flowers today to show her appreciation for me (since it is Employee Appreciation Day)....which just makes me wish i could have money to buy fresh flowers and have them in my place all the time - even though I know they don't last and eventually mold within the vase because I let them die a very long death, and I'm too lazy to throw them in the trash. I know these things won't satisfy me and I need to get a grip on life and my bank account...
And for now, I just tell myself I don't need these things at all and will survive without them, but a girl can dream...boy oh boy, she can.
And so I just drool over my current obsessions through fashion photography and apple.com
Here are my current loves for Fall 2011....the color combinations....the shoes...the headband...the texture
Did I mention the shoes?
And the iPad Smart Cover is really what just sold it...
Alright....coveting session over.
Reality check - rent/utilities/cable due.
Saturday, February 26, 2011
Greatest Love
You look back on your life and you wonder why you had to go through the stuff you did. And for a while I tried to look for answers and I asked that why question so many times. Now I'm here, and I still don't have answers to my why questions - but in an odd way I do. Because it was there that he was bringing me so much closer to him. It was there that he was building me up to be where i am now and where I'm heading in the future - even when I don't know what that exactly is. And it is the hope that I have that he will guide me through the unknowns - hope that maybe I didn't have as much of as I did then. I honestly can tell you that I've been broken in the past and I don't know if it really had to go the way it did, but it did go that way, and ultimately, I've been changed because of it. Change is good even if it comes through hard circumstances, and change is even more beautiful when I see the way he has overcome death and the sin in my life and just made himself more at the forefront of my life.
Yes, He has overcome with the greatest love.
Yes, He has overcome with the greatest love.
Sunday, February 20, 2011
Winged-Creature
"God became man to turn creatures into sons not simply to produce better kinds of the old creature, but to produce a new person. It is not like teaching a horse to jump better and better. It is more like turning a horse into a winged-creature, a whole new type of being altogether." -C.S. Lewis
I know I've missed it at times, but I don't ever want to lose sight of the ways He is bringing me to completion. I desire for that day - when it all becomes clear - when I get to see His face and just smile and feel at home. It's becoming more and more real - this life is not my own; this place is not my home.
I know I've missed it at times, but I don't ever want to lose sight of the ways He is bringing me to completion. I desire for that day - when it all becomes clear - when I get to see His face and just smile and feel at home. It's becoming more and more real - this life is not my own; this place is not my home.
Friday, February 18, 2011
A Single Girl's Honesty
25 and single. It seems that once you hit a certain age of singularity that people start noticing and begin to feel they need to say or do something about it. I think this usually begins a year or two after you complete college – you’re no longer on a campus where everyone is single and you can’t even go to the bathroom alone – let’s be honest, people expect you to find Mr. or Mrs. Right there.
Well now that I’m well past college and haven’t done homework in a long time, my experiences as a single person are at times frustrating, fun, and laughable – but please considering the following if ever you feel the need to address some part of my singleness:
Some tell me that they wish they were me – How fun it must be single and be able to date people. I am living vicariously through you. Little do they know how many dates I’ve not been on. I get it – I have freedom, I can travel the world if I could afford wanted to, I’m not tied down to a person and can be selfish with my time, money, decisions, closet space, etc. I can do amazing work for the Lord. I am not ungrateful for these things, and I do find them enjoyable – and you’re right, I can do things for God that maybe others wouldn’t be able to do if they weren’t single, but the grass isn’t greener. There is difficultly being single – it isn’t always pleasant or fun and gets harder as you get older and friends are married and moving onto babies. My relationship with God has only been strengthened during this time, and I would be single over and over again just for that, but that doesn’t mean fun all the time, and I don’t want you to live through me.
The question: Why are you still single? Well…flattering, I guess. But how do you expect me to respond? Do you want me to talk about myself and list off all my good qualities? I feel that would just give you your answer. Honestly, when I hear that question, it makes me feel like I need to tell you why I could possible be single and give you all of my bad qualities. And I really already think about those and wonder if they hinder my relationship status – so, my current response is to either shrug my shoulders and say nothing or say, “Good question, am I weird?” Your guess is as good as mine.
Others want to set me up. Good. I like that you think I would be great with someone and it is good to be introduced to new people by a double date. I’m totally okay with that. BUT can you please not set me up with a guy who only talks about himself and jokes around the whole time, at the end of the night still hasn’t asked me one thing about myself - probably doesn’t even know what kind of job or how many siblings I have, or my interests – and puts in a crazy dirty/dumb movie for us all to watch to top it all off. Thanks, but no thanks?
Some have really, honest, good intentions, but horrible follow-through. Don’t tell me you have an AMAZING guy that you want me to meet, but then never do anything to make it happen. I totally understand if maybe it was like the situation above (except not so crazy) and then you really thought it through and decided to not set us up, but could you at least let me know why instead of just leaving me hanging? But I'm really thankful that you did think things through - that is progress from above situation and you have no idea how much I value that. And if he really is a great guy who you really think I’d hit it off with and are planning on introducing us at a party or group hang-out – introduce us and help conversation before you just awkwardly ditch us and expect Cupid and “love at first site” to just magically appear (we both know what you are doing) . Oh, but let him get my number from me (unless you ask me and I give you the a-ok) and/or Facebook me after our first meeting if he so desires, k!? Face value, people, not this new-agey electronic social world.
Lastly, I’d hate to even say it – but learn how to be a smidge (just a tinie-weenie) independent from your significant other. I have two friends – Friend number one is dating, but gets upset when she is not near her fiancé and mopes. Woman, you have someone that you are going to be married to! Be happy! Enjoy the fact that you get to spend life with this person and a night away from them won’t ruin your life! I get it – I’m sure I have acted that way too, but when we open our eyes to the people around us – that maybe they have a desire to someday meet Mr. Right and be where you are, it would be nice if you considered how you could serve them just for tonight. I know…that sounds so selfish of me and I hate saying that because I don’t want your sympathy or make you feel like you need to do anything for me, but sometimes, it can be frustrating. Second friend is married, but at the same time is able to be apart from her husband and spend time with me. I love her husband…he is one of my best guy friends, and he is the only one who has ever asked me, “What can we do or be aware of how to better be your friend and love you in this stage of your life.” Wow…that is refreshing. Can I steal your wife sometimes so she and I can hang out? Yes….yes, he is always so respectful when I’m around. He asks if he needs to leave the room if she and I are talking, but most of the time, I let him stay because I value his input. Other times I am given some “girl time” and it is the best and exactly what I needed. I was able to let them know what bothers me at times about being single or hanging around dating/married people – and they listened and understood and were responsive. And at the same time, they are able to open up to me about marriage and how it is hard or fun or quirky – and I love it. I love learning from them, and I think they like learning and hearing about my life too.
All this goes to say that I am not complaining about where I am at. I love being single and I’m not just saying that. I have been able to find joy, and you learn how to adjust and find enjoyment out of life. Most of all, I have grown closer to God and honestly have experienced how He fulfills my life in ways I never noticed before. If you have done anyone of these things above (me being guilty as well), I don’t dislike you. I know you just love me lots and I love you lots, too.
Monday, February 14, 2011
Valentine
This comes from: To Write Love On Her Arms and is a better sentiment than what I could share about Valentine's Day. I am loved, so very deeply, and by more people than I may truly realize. But there is a greater LOVE that I am discovering each and every day. My prayer is that I seek it out diligently - even when the feeling isn't there - and come to a greater revelation of my heart's true desire. So enjoy the message below, and remember, there is a great LOVE story where you are being passionately and fervently pursued.
Dear Valentine's Day,
My friend Don wrote a blog about you today and his blog suggests that you used to look a lot different than you do today. He says that you are the product of a poet and that before this poet's pen, you were not a romantic holiday.
i think i would have liked you more back then, whenever that was. The truth is that you really bother me now. i think you bother a lot of people, honestly. i'm not sure how you got so much power. You show up every year right after Christmas. You turn the windows pink and you sell your diamonds on the radio and i think i've gotten five emails from 1-800-FLOWERS in the last three days.
Don't get me wrong. It's not that i don't like love. i love love - i think it's the best thing that happens on the planet. It's the biggest dream inside me. But i bought a lie somewhere along the way. i bought the lie that says i'm not alive if i'm not in love. i bought the lie that says if i love someone but then they stop loving me or they start loving someone else, then i must have no value or power or worth. i bought the lie that says if i'm not in love, then i'm as good as dead.
And if you believe that lie long enough, it makes a giant hole. It makes a hole so big that no one person could ever begin to fill it. Not even a princess. Believe me, i've tried. To fill it with a person, to fill it with beauty, to fill it with all the things you sell.
But i don't think it works that way. Bono says his songs come from a God-shaped hole inside of him. He's my favorite singer and he has a lot of things. He has great stories and a wife and kids and plenty of money. But in spite of all of those things, he says he still has this hole and he says that it's the reason that he sings.
i've been thinking lately that maybe i've confused a girl for God, a different one every year or two, since the first day of junior high. And man, that is a lot of pressure to put on someone, to make them God. That is a ton of power to hand to someone. Especially when they're just a person. A person with questions and flaws and pain of their own.
So maybe there's a war, inside of me and for me and maybe my heart is the opposite of small. Maybe it's the opposite of cheap and empty and alone. Maybe it's sacred and enormous and wild.
To make a long story short, i think i've given you way too much power. i let you scare me and i let you name me and i let you tell me what i'm worth.
i don't want to do that anymore.
There are dreams inside of me and those are mine and my guess is that they're there for a reason. But for all the days like now where the dreams are asked to be only dreams, i'm gonna keep getting out of bed. i'm gonna keep living my story. i'm gonna believe that there is reason and purpose, and power in my life. i'm gonna believe that i'm alive inside a story bigger than my pain, bigger than everything missing.
It crossed my mind to try to ignore you, to try to go to bed early and wake up when you're gone. But i changed my mind. i am part of a gang in Florida and we're gonna get together tonight. We're going to open our computers and we're going to choose to believe that words are powerful. We're gonna do our best to tell someone something true. We're gonna ask people not to give up on their stories.
Valentine's Day, i don't hate you. i don't even blame you. Perhaps you did not name yourself. Perhaps you are the product of hundreds of years, hundreds of thousands of broken people and a million God-shaped holes.
The truth is that we're all living love stories.
Peace to you tonight.
jamie
PS: i wrote this while listening to The Script's Science & Faith.
Dear Valentine's Day,
My friend Don wrote a blog about you today and his blog suggests that you used to look a lot different than you do today. He says that you are the product of a poet and that before this poet's pen, you were not a romantic holiday.
i think i would have liked you more back then, whenever that was. The truth is that you really bother me now. i think you bother a lot of people, honestly. i'm not sure how you got so much power. You show up every year right after Christmas. You turn the windows pink and you sell your diamonds on the radio and i think i've gotten five emails from 1-800-FLOWERS in the last three days.
Don't get me wrong. It's not that i don't like love. i love love - i think it's the best thing that happens on the planet. It's the biggest dream inside me. But i bought a lie somewhere along the way. i bought the lie that says i'm not alive if i'm not in love. i bought the lie that says if i love someone but then they stop loving me or they start loving someone else, then i must have no value or power or worth. i bought the lie that says if i'm not in love, then i'm as good as dead.
And if you believe that lie long enough, it makes a giant hole. It makes a hole so big that no one person could ever begin to fill it. Not even a princess. Believe me, i've tried. To fill it with a person, to fill it with beauty, to fill it with all the things you sell.
But i don't think it works that way. Bono says his songs come from a God-shaped hole inside of him. He's my favorite singer and he has a lot of things. He has great stories and a wife and kids and plenty of money. But in spite of all of those things, he says he still has this hole and he says that it's the reason that he sings.
i've been thinking lately that maybe i've confused a girl for God, a different one every year or two, since the first day of junior high. And man, that is a lot of pressure to put on someone, to make them God. That is a ton of power to hand to someone. Especially when they're just a person. A person with questions and flaws and pain of their own.
So maybe there's a war, inside of me and for me and maybe my heart is the opposite of small. Maybe it's the opposite of cheap and empty and alone. Maybe it's sacred and enormous and wild.
To make a long story short, i think i've given you way too much power. i let you scare me and i let you name me and i let you tell me what i'm worth.
i don't want to do that anymore.
There are dreams inside of me and those are mine and my guess is that they're there for a reason. But for all the days like now where the dreams are asked to be only dreams, i'm gonna keep getting out of bed. i'm gonna keep living my story. i'm gonna believe that there is reason and purpose, and power in my life. i'm gonna believe that i'm alive inside a story bigger than my pain, bigger than everything missing.
It crossed my mind to try to ignore you, to try to go to bed early and wake up when you're gone. But i changed my mind. i am part of a gang in Florida and we're gonna get together tonight. We're going to open our computers and we're going to choose to believe that words are powerful. We're gonna do our best to tell someone something true. We're gonna ask people not to give up on their stories.
Valentine's Day, i don't hate you. i don't even blame you. Perhaps you did not name yourself. Perhaps you are the product of hundreds of years, hundreds of thousands of broken people and a million God-shaped holes.
The truth is that we're all living love stories.
Peace to you tonight.
jamie
PS: i wrote this while listening to The Script's Science & Faith.
Saturday, February 12, 2011
Maple-colored Teardrops
I've come to and uncomfortable realization: I'm an emotional sap.
The female body is perplex in so many ways that if I actually sat down to digest it all, I would probably just end up confused and....well, crying. Thank goodness this is all I've know my whole life otherwise I don't know how else I would do this whole thing of being a woman.
Besides the fact that we intertwine all parts of our life into one big spaghetti factory, when you stick Ms. Monthly or Ms. Meno on top of it all you might just not know what hit you. Now, I'm not facing either one of those right now (sorry if this is too much information), but Ms. Crying never seems to ever really go away. I don't think I'm overly emotional, but it seems that since I've hit my mid-twenties the tearducts just like to be hydrated more often that what I remember from my high school and college days. I have to ask myself if this is somewhat of a normal thing for a woman, based on circumstances in my life, or part of my personality. Granted, all three may just be the holy trinity of a good cry.
Now...the times that the waterworks confuse me are when I'm watching a movie about time travel and start crying - even when I don't believe in time travel. Why would I cry at this type of movie? Lets not forget Toy Story 3. OH.MY.GOODNESS. I died. Who knew animated toy characters could pull such an tug at my heart. I fight so hard to not make those little droplets fall - I try to hide my shaky-scrunchy chin wobble, but it never fails. Shaky-scrunchy chin wobble is out of control and my little eyes overflow and finally release a stream of feeling. I wish I could stop it...I feel so silly, so girly, so uncool.
Maybe, it is just an part of a woman to be emotional - maybe I hold things in too much and there is just a point where you need to let it out. Yes, that movie just evoked emotion with their animated characters and unrealistic storyline about time travel. Yes, my pastor just said something that hit a cord. Yes, I'm frustrated with life. Yes, I'm just tired and need to go to sleep. Yes, Ms. Monthly is here. Yes, I feel lonely. Yes, that was the sweetest wedding ever. Yes, my resistance band just broke during my workout and backfired on my stomach (true story). Yes, I've done everything only to feel like a failure. Yes, those lyrics just spoke to me. Yes, just sometimes maybe I need a good cry.
And if you are wondering if I'm okay - I totally am, but I did just cry at the movie, The Time Traveler's Wife. Figures.
The female body is perplex in so many ways that if I actually sat down to digest it all, I would probably just end up confused and....well, crying. Thank goodness this is all I've know my whole life otherwise I don't know how else I would do this whole thing of being a woman.
Besides the fact that we intertwine all parts of our life into one big spaghetti factory, when you stick Ms. Monthly or Ms. Meno on top of it all you might just not know what hit you. Now, I'm not facing either one of those right now (sorry if this is too much information), but Ms. Crying never seems to ever really go away. I don't think I'm overly emotional, but it seems that since I've hit my mid-twenties the tearducts just like to be hydrated more often that what I remember from my high school and college days. I have to ask myself if this is somewhat of a normal thing for a woman, based on circumstances in my life, or part of my personality. Granted, all three may just be the holy trinity of a good cry.
Now...the times that the waterworks confuse me are when I'm watching a movie about time travel and start crying - even when I don't believe in time travel. Why would I cry at this type of movie? Lets not forget Toy Story 3. OH.MY.GOODNESS. I died. Who knew animated toy characters could pull such an tug at my heart. I fight so hard to not make those little droplets fall - I try to hide my shaky-scrunchy chin wobble, but it never fails. Shaky-scrunchy chin wobble is out of control and my little eyes overflow and finally release a stream of feeling. I wish I could stop it...I feel so silly, so girly, so uncool.
Maybe, it is just an part of a woman to be emotional - maybe I hold things in too much and there is just a point where you need to let it out. Yes, that movie just evoked emotion with their animated characters and unrealistic storyline about time travel. Yes, my pastor just said something that hit a cord. Yes, I'm frustrated with life. Yes, I'm just tired and need to go to sleep. Yes, Ms. Monthly is here. Yes, I feel lonely. Yes, that was the sweetest wedding ever. Yes, my resistance band just broke during my workout and backfired on my stomach (true story). Yes, I've done everything only to feel like a failure. Yes, those lyrics just spoke to me. Yes, just sometimes maybe I need a good cry.
And if you are wondering if I'm okay - I totally am, but I did just cry at the movie, The Time Traveler's Wife. Figures.
Thursday, February 10, 2011
One Blind Mouse
There are a few times when I have walked in the dark. Once may have been in college when I was pranking a house full of boys. You walk slowly as not to make a sound, yet your arms are in front of you so you don't run into a tree. Then there are those moments where you get home late and keep the lights off so as not to wake up others from their sleep. Unfortunately, many times a furry beast or vacuum cleaner was lying in the hallway and I would end up hurting my sleepy pup, injuring my toe, or waking up the snoozers from their dreamy sleep. In any of these cases there are usually two emotions: excitement or fear.
And that is how I sometimes feel with the will of God.
From a far distance, God's will sounds perfect and life changing, peaceful and pleasant. Sometimes, it sounds thrilling. You know - the surprise of not really knowing where you are going but excited for the revelation. I mean, if God is good, He'll lead me into all pleasant things, right?! Well, then there are those times where God's will freaks the crap out of me. Either I screw up big time, rebel because I'm fearful of where and what He is going to have me do, or I just don't trust that He is really in control or don't want Him to be in control. And so often, I just want a bigger revelation. Lord, just tell me what is coming next. I've been waiting patiently and haven't pushed you. I've really tried to surrender my life to you. C'mon...just give me a little taste of what is in store. Ha! I've come to realize that I am the queen of just wanting a revelation of God's will for my life instead of a revelation of who He is. When this truth was spoken to me it was like a bee sting - painful the moment it hits you and a tingle that just lingers there. I'm just a schmoozer of God - give me what You have in store for me, forget the rest.
And maybe there has been some distant light that has finally come into my view. I don't see much of His will for my life, and for a really long time I've just used Him for it. I know He has had me all along and still has been graceful enough to teach me more about Himself, but I think for once I feel more confident in being blind and in the dark because it makes sense that knowing Him is so much more important, and perhaps, things just might end up being somewhat clearer if I actually started seeking a relationship with Him and getting to know Him. I don't need to know what is ahead and even though I do wish to have more understanding of my specific purpose, I have the treasure of discovering more of who He is, which I think is really the best part about getting to know anyone.
"I will lead the blind by ways they have not known, along unfamiliar paths I will guide them; I will turn darkness into light before them and make the rough place smooth. These are the things I will do; I will not forsake them." -Isaiah 42:16
And that is how I sometimes feel with the will of God.
From a far distance, God's will sounds perfect and life changing, peaceful and pleasant. Sometimes, it sounds thrilling. You know - the surprise of not really knowing where you are going but excited for the revelation. I mean, if God is good, He'll lead me into all pleasant things, right?! Well, then there are those times where God's will freaks the crap out of me. Either I screw up big time, rebel because I'm fearful of where and what He is going to have me do, or I just don't trust that He is really in control or don't want Him to be in control. And so often, I just want a bigger revelation. Lord, just tell me what is coming next. I've been waiting patiently and haven't pushed you. I've really tried to surrender my life to you. C'mon...just give me a little taste of what is in store. Ha! I've come to realize that I am the queen of just wanting a revelation of God's will for my life instead of a revelation of who He is. When this truth was spoken to me it was like a bee sting - painful the moment it hits you and a tingle that just lingers there. I'm just a schmoozer of God - give me what You have in store for me, forget the rest.
And maybe there has been some distant light that has finally come into my view. I don't see much of His will for my life, and for a really long time I've just used Him for it. I know He has had me all along and still has been graceful enough to teach me more about Himself, but I think for once I feel more confident in being blind and in the dark because it makes sense that knowing Him is so much more important, and perhaps, things just might end up being somewhat clearer if I actually started seeking a relationship with Him and getting to know Him. I don't need to know what is ahead and even though I do wish to have more understanding of my specific purpose, I have the treasure of discovering more of who He is, which I think is really the best part about getting to know anyone.
"I will lead the blind by ways they have not known, along unfamiliar paths I will guide them; I will turn darkness into light before them and make the rough place smooth. These are the things I will do; I will not forsake them." -Isaiah 42:16
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
little guy, BIG FISH
Sometimes all we need is someone else's perspective. I think I just got a bigger glimpse of child-like faith: pure emotion, involvement and investment, excitement, and joy.
Saturday, February 5, 2011
The Civil Wars
To find someone that will fight the war with you...I would imagine it would sound like this.
Friday, February 4, 2011
Flamingos
Love.
Mismosh of gooey feelings and harsh realities: never perfect and a battle when the messiness creeps in. I find this true for any type of love.
You want to love your neighbor - you have to deal with their flamingo lawn ornaments.
You want to love your parents – you have to obey and respect their authority even when you may not agree.
You want to love those who don’t know Jesus – you have to build relationship that shares common interests but stands firm in the truths of the Jesus you love while also living like the Jesus you love.
You want to love someone for the rest of your life – you have fight against your selfish need to go see a chick flick for the 5th time and instead sit in the hunting stand - without any talking and wait for a damn deer.
You want to love your friends – you will go out of your way to make them dinner or drive them to the store when their car breaks down.
You want to love the homeless – you actually stop your car, go through the McDonald’s drive through with them and buy them whatever they want instead of debating in your mind if you should give them money and wondering if they will use it only to buy drugs or alcohol and then just keep driving because you already passed them and “Its too late. I have things to do” is declared.
You want to love your siblings – you let go and forgive them of the time they called you “adopted” or change your attitude about their “higher” social status/looks/whatever and talk to them.
The second greatest commandment: Love your neighbor as yourself. He must have known what He was talking about when He wrote that. We usually put ourselves first. So if I love others like I love myself…
Love is a battle. Love is a lot of things and has a lot of different levels. But there is a common string between them all: sacrifice.
How willing am I to sacrifice my time, energy, money, talents, ideas, possessions, words, actions, car mileage, whatever to show love? Do I just wait for someone to first show me love before I show them? How will I show love when everything in my body tells me its poison?
Mismosh of gooey feelings and harsh realities: never perfect and a battle when the messiness creeps in. I find this true for any type of love.
You want to love your neighbor - you have to deal with their flamingo lawn ornaments.
You want to love your parents – you have to obey and respect their authority even when you may not agree.
You want to love those who don’t know Jesus – you have to build relationship that shares common interests but stands firm in the truths of the Jesus you love while also living like the Jesus you love.
You want to love someone for the rest of your life – you have fight against your selfish need to go see a chick flick for the 5th time and instead sit in the hunting stand - without any talking and wait for a damn deer.
You want to love your friends – you will go out of your way to make them dinner or drive them to the store when their car breaks down.
You want to love the homeless – you actually stop your car, go through the McDonald’s drive through with them and buy them whatever they want instead of debating in your mind if you should give them money and wondering if they will use it only to buy drugs or alcohol and then just keep driving because you already passed them and “Its too late. I have things to do” is declared.
You want to love your siblings – you let go and forgive them of the time they called you “adopted” or change your attitude about their “higher” social status/looks/whatever and talk to them.
The second greatest commandment: Love your neighbor as yourself. He must have known what He was talking about when He wrote that. We usually put ourselves first. So if I love others like I love myself…
Love is a battle. Love is a lot of things and has a lot of different levels. But there is a common string between them all: sacrifice.
How willing am I to sacrifice my time, energy, money, talents, ideas, possessions, words, actions, car mileage, whatever to show love? Do I just wait for someone to first show me love before I show them? How will I show love when everything in my body tells me its poison?
Thursday, February 3, 2011
Ice, Ice....Oh hey, Baby!
So as I faced the SNOWPOCYLPSE of 2011 in Missouri, which really wasn’t all about snow as it was ice (but we’ll save that hyped up nonsense for later), I realized a few things about myself that future prospect dowry givers should be ready to ask of themselves
Hold up the cattle :: Here we go:
1. Are you okay with observing the giddy girlish excitement, snow dance, and hyperness that happens when weather predictions are finally fulfilled – even if they are just flurries? I love snow. I love ice. Bring.It.On.
2. Are you willing to share in my excitement of this snow, but be fully aware of the fact that I will need you to clean off my car the next morning because I will get frustrated and inevitably curse and have tears in my eyes cause my fingers feel frostbitten and I would rather have a man do it for me?
3. Would you be my partner in crime to venture out in the world of Snowpocylpse to fulfill an adrenaline pumping, lets-drive-in-this-weather desire? Photography, screaming, passenger seat driving, tension gripping, and laughing will be present. You would have to drive.
4. But would you also know that my words and adrenaline rush passion may just turn into sitting on the couch and watching movies and would you be willing to convince me to still go on an adventure as passion turns into a lack of wanting to do anything and...eeeekkk...complaining?
5. Would you be okay with me cooking all warm things during this time? Coffee and eggs for breakfast, hot sandwich for lunch, soup for dinner, warm cookies fresh from the oven? (c’mon…there has to be one catcher!)
6. Would you understand the fact that I will be in sweats and will not wear make-up because there is not point in wasting good, clean clothes and expensive (drug-store) make-up? No worries, a shower will be taken, but not until after noon.
I think this covers the basis for any snow day. With the one exception that you may have to listen to me talk – a lot (I am a woman – what do you expect?)
Begin your cattle bidding….
Hold up the cattle :: Here we go:
1. Are you okay with observing the giddy girlish excitement, snow dance, and hyperness that happens when weather predictions are finally fulfilled – even if they are just flurries? I love snow. I love ice. Bring.It.On.
2. Are you willing to share in my excitement of this snow, but be fully aware of the fact that I will need you to clean off my car the next morning because I will get frustrated and inevitably curse and have tears in my eyes cause my fingers feel frostbitten and I would rather have a man do it for me?
3. Would you be my partner in crime to venture out in the world of Snowpocylpse to fulfill an adrenaline pumping, lets-drive-in-this-weather desire? Photography, screaming, passenger seat driving, tension gripping, and laughing will be present. You would have to drive.
4. But would you also know that my words and adrenaline rush passion may just turn into sitting on the couch and watching movies and would you be willing to convince me to still go on an adventure as passion turns into a lack of wanting to do anything and...eeeekkk...complaining?
5. Would you be okay with me cooking all warm things during this time? Coffee and eggs for breakfast, hot sandwich for lunch, soup for dinner, warm cookies fresh from the oven? (c’mon…there has to be one catcher!)
6. Would you understand the fact that I will be in sweats and will not wear make-up because there is not point in wasting good, clean clothes and expensive (drug-store) make-up? No worries, a shower will be taken, but not until after noon.
I think this covers the basis for any snow day. With the one exception that you may have to listen to me talk – a lot (I am a woman – what do you expect?)
Begin your cattle bidding….
Sunday, January 30, 2011
Run, Walk, Fly
I know that lately I've tried to supress areas of my life where I have felt hurt or alone or shamed - feeling like You have forgotten me or that somehow my cries are hidden from You. I'm sorry that I have felt this way because You don't hide yourself from me; instead, I often find that I am the one who is keeping myself from You. I rely on my own abilites or try to keep myself strong, but You are anxiously awaiting to grant me your strength - to show me the power You can achieve through my life if I just put my hope in You. You have brought out the stars in the night sky and You know each one by name. Never does one go missing. It seems unfathomable that the majestic beauty of the stars and Your care for them has no comparison to the love and care You have for me. For me, your love is far greater. You know me by name, and You never let me go missing. Thank you for the promise of being able to run without growing weak and walking without being faint. My failure is where I think I can do this on my own, but I can only achieve such things by the power and strength of the One who has ever-lasting power. As I face a future, a tomorrow, of unknowns, I want to rise and place my hope in Your constant and ever-lasting strength. I want to know You and see Your glory illuminate darkness. I'm not sure how or what this looks like for my life, but as I take each step in my day, I long to be led towards a purer example of love, a wider understanding of truth, a greater assurance of Your will, and a deeper hope in all that You are.
isaiah 40
isaiah 40
PJ's and Curled Hair
New beginnings.
Start with a disappointed heart and maybe something new. Perhaps a haircut or moving into an apartment. Maybe just going for a run.
You buy the feeling of home with lamps and trinkets and crockpots or haircolor or shoes.
Big dreams of coming home after a evening-lit night with friends.
Until you find yourself staying at home all day with not much accomplished except for a painted face and curled hair. Normally considered wasted effort, but maybe tonight I needed to feel done up even though no eyes would see.
So what do you do when plans with friends fall through? Facebook. Movies on tv. Bake. Paint nails. Cuddle with blanket. Revamp blog. Be inspired. Listen to music. Write. Think. Be.
Independence grows. Hobbies become necessity. Love is found in a book. The art of being alone is illuminated when you imagine a room of people, but you end up being the only one in the room. Sometimes it is uncomfortable and uneasy. Other days it is comforting and relaxing. Always a balance that never seems to set perfectly. You wonder if anyone else you know feels the way you do.
Maybe new friends need to come along.
Maybe I should get some babysitting jobs.
Maybe I'm a recluse.
Maybe I just need to go see a movie in the theater by myself and enjoy the moment.
This moment...it may not always be ideal, but it can definitely be beautiful.
Unknowns are widespread and at times, unwanted, but life is a blessing - not meant to be wasted.
Joy can be found when you understand that you are not complete yet and there is still a journey calling
Start with a disappointed heart and maybe something new. Perhaps a haircut or moving into an apartment. Maybe just going for a run.
You buy the feeling of home with lamps and trinkets and crockpots or haircolor or shoes.
Big dreams of coming home after a evening-lit night with friends.
Until you find yourself staying at home all day with not much accomplished except for a painted face and curled hair. Normally considered wasted effort, but maybe tonight I needed to feel done up even though no eyes would see.
So what do you do when plans with friends fall through? Facebook. Movies on tv. Bake. Paint nails. Cuddle with blanket. Revamp blog. Be inspired. Listen to music. Write. Think. Be.
Independence grows. Hobbies become necessity. Love is found in a book. The art of being alone is illuminated when you imagine a room of people, but you end up being the only one in the room. Sometimes it is uncomfortable and uneasy. Other days it is comforting and relaxing. Always a balance that never seems to set perfectly. You wonder if anyone else you know feels the way you do.
Maybe new friends need to come along.
Maybe I should get some babysitting jobs.
Maybe I'm a recluse.
Maybe I just need to go see a movie in the theater by myself and enjoy the moment.
This moment...it may not always be ideal, but it can definitely be beautiful.
Unknowns are widespread and at times, unwanted, but life is a blessing - not meant to be wasted.
Joy can be found when you understand that you are not complete yet and there is still a journey calling
Friday, January 28, 2011
Oddity
In college, a roommate called me Sally when I got hyper – she is my crazy second half – almost like another being. She hikes up her pants, walks kinda funny, and always wants ice cream. Her dancing skills are pretty awesome as well, but they would never land her on “So You Think You Can Dance” and if anything they would be considered the “William Hungs” of the dancing world.
Then there is fat girl. Fat girl…well she just loves food – mostly chocolate. She finally surfaced when one day pumpkin bread was out of this world and she had to declare it with a mouth full. This doesn’t discredit that she had always been there before…you can find that evidence in fat girl’s description on her friend’s wedding program. That’s right – FG is the friend that shares in your common love of food and that is what makes your friendship special. I will never let Becca forget how she exposed fat girl in such a public light. It has taken her a while to recover.
Also, I may lean towards compulsive organization. For instance, my closet is arranged in a color-coating manner. It doesn’t have to be exact shades in order, but it sure does follow closely. Or maybe the fact that I rearranged all the plates and glasses in my kitchen cabinets because it made better sense “that” way…does that even make sense?
I know I’m weird at times.
I become really sarcastic when I first meet guys…my nervous syndrome…but maybe they would never know and only think that I was a little who-knows-what
I am protective of my baking creations – I have a hard time letting you come near them and helping me. Please just let me ice the cookies because I’ll make them look really cute and you won’t. Ouch, I’m mean.
I really like to sing, but I will never sing in front of you unless I feel like I’m being drowned out by other people or instruments.
I am pretty (very) emotional, but I’ve been told I’m come across as laid back.
I organize how I pack my stuff – my sister will tell you it’s unreal and to stay away from me during this time.
Why am I telling you all of this? Because I’m weird, but because I think all of this isn’t that odd to begin with. Fingers crossed.
Then there is fat girl. Fat girl…well she just loves food – mostly chocolate. She finally surfaced when one day pumpkin bread was out of this world and she had to declare it with a mouth full. This doesn’t discredit that she had always been there before…you can find that evidence in fat girl’s description on her friend’s wedding program. That’s right – FG is the friend that shares in your common love of food and that is what makes your friendship special. I will never let Becca forget how she exposed fat girl in such a public light. It has taken her a while to recover.
Also, I may lean towards compulsive organization. For instance, my closet is arranged in a color-coating manner. It doesn’t have to be exact shades in order, but it sure does follow closely. Or maybe the fact that I rearranged all the plates and glasses in my kitchen cabinets because it made better sense “that” way…does that even make sense?
I know I’m weird at times.
I become really sarcastic when I first meet guys…my nervous syndrome…but maybe they would never know and only think that I was a little who-knows-what
I am protective of my baking creations – I have a hard time letting you come near them and helping me. Please just let me ice the cookies because I’ll make them look really cute and you won’t. Ouch, I’m mean.
I really like to sing, but I will never sing in front of you unless I feel like I’m being drowned out by other people or instruments.
I am pretty (very) emotional, but I’ve been told I’m come across as laid back.
I organize how I pack my stuff – my sister will tell you it’s unreal and to stay away from me during this time.
Why am I telling you all of this? Because I’m weird, but because I think all of this isn’t that odd to begin with. Fingers crossed.
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Big Girl Pants
In college, there are always the lofty dreams of graduating, meeting Mr. Right and getting married, finding your perfect job, and being able to afford the cute downtown apartment (or any apartment for that matter) or first home for those really lofty newlyweds or singles. Oh and then all the extra amenities you can think of (i.e. fun work clothes from your favorite store; being able to eat out and entertain yourself all the time; buying fun new furniture, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera). You play by the book and you get what comes next. EEEEEERRRRRRRRR (hault). My journey has maybe followed one of those things: Graduating.
Well it has been 2 ½ years since the fact and I am just now putting on my big girl pants (somewhat) and moving out of the rents house and into an apartment. I know…probably not attractive to some that it took me this long, but better at age 25 than at age 26. ;-) There is still hope for this girl – I’m 5 years ahead of those 30-and-still-living-with-my-parents people. Just ignore the fact that I’ve been mooching off of my parents and am realizing I need to buy things like tweezers, a loufa, cleaning supplies, oh, and food.
At least I pay my bills, right?! That is something to be proud of. Now, if only I would learn to do my taxes or how to change my oil. Can dad still be the oil man? I called Ameren and had them set up electricity. That was easier than I thought. Yesterday, I went to Target with my list of random supplies I needed like body wash and conditioner, paper towels, cleaning supplies, and laundry detergent. You ever heard of those things? Am I supposed to have a favorite brand? There are too many choices, so I let the coupons I had dictate what I bought. Swipe 10 times, cashier…You say wish you could be as good with coupons as I am? Oh don’t worry…I got them from my mom. Thanks, mom…you saved me $10 at Target. I’m fumbling with the heat too to make sure I get the cheapest bill…so far the apartment is set on a cool 66 degrees, and I’m finding that I don’t wake up to frostbitten hands and toes in the morning. Plus, at work there are free tampons in those machines, which I could totally snag if money gets really tight one month. As far as my time in my new place…well I don’t have any couches, or internet and cable set up yet so I’m learning how to read like they did in the olden days by candle light because my apartment doesn’t have great lighting and I only have two lamps.
As far as groceries…well…I’m still working on getting that done and until then I either eat very little or offer to help a friend put together her wedding invitations while her parents buy pizza for everyone who is helping. Thanks, engaged friends!
So on a scale of 1-10, I think I’m surviving on my own with a solid 10.
Well it has been 2 ½ years since the fact and I am just now putting on my big girl pants (somewhat) and moving out of the rents house and into an apartment. I know…probably not attractive to some that it took me this long, but better at age 25 than at age 26. ;-) There is still hope for this girl – I’m 5 years ahead of those 30-and-still-living-with-my-parents people. Just ignore the fact that I’ve been mooching off of my parents and am realizing I need to buy things like tweezers, a loufa, cleaning supplies, oh, and food.
At least I pay my bills, right?! That is something to be proud of. Now, if only I would learn to do my taxes or how to change my oil. Can dad still be the oil man? I called Ameren and had them set up electricity. That was easier than I thought. Yesterday, I went to Target with my list of random supplies I needed like body wash and conditioner, paper towels, cleaning supplies, and laundry detergent. You ever heard of those things? Am I supposed to have a favorite brand? There are too many choices, so I let the coupons I had dictate what I bought. Swipe 10 times, cashier…You say wish you could be as good with coupons as I am? Oh don’t worry…I got them from my mom. Thanks, mom…you saved me $10 at Target. I’m fumbling with the heat too to make sure I get the cheapest bill…so far the apartment is set on a cool 66 degrees, and I’m finding that I don’t wake up to frostbitten hands and toes in the morning. Plus, at work there are free tampons in those machines, which I could totally snag if money gets really tight one month. As far as my time in my new place…well I don’t have any couches, or internet and cable set up yet so I’m learning how to read like they did in the olden days by candle light because my apartment doesn’t have great lighting and I only have two lamps.
As far as groceries…well…I’m still working on getting that done and until then I either eat very little or offer to help a friend put together her wedding invitations while her parents buy pizza for everyone who is helping. Thanks, engaged friends!
So on a scale of 1-10, I think I’m surviving on my own with a solid 10.
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Firework
There is a reason I like this song. As a Christian, I guess sometimes we think that a secular song shouldn't or can't really remind us of God or give us a bigger glimpse of who He is. We are so easy to point out everything that is wrong with the lyrics or the life of the singer rather than enjoy and see beauty in a work. We are all made in God's image, so I'm not surprised that things that our secular world creates would point me to my Savior. I'm not going to say that these lyrics are a perfect reflection of what God says to us, but it gave me a refreshing picture of the Lord.
I just imagine God singing this song to me. He knows my thoughts, knows my fears and discouragements, but wants to open my eyes to what He can do through me. He wants me to be a light - to show the world the ways that He has colored me as a unique being. We may face challenges in life, wonder why doors close, and feel down about ourselves, but He fights to let you know that you are His treasured possession and has a purpose for you to reveal His glory in the most magnificent ways - maybe like a firework in the night's sky.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag
Drifting through the wind
Wanting to start again
Do you ever feel, feel so paper thin
Like a house of cards
One blow from caving in
Do you ever feel already buried deep
Six feet under scream
But no one seems to hear a thing
Do you know that there's still a chance for you
Cause there's a spark in you
You just gotta ignite the light
And let it shine
Just own the night
Like the Fourth of July
Cause baby you're a firework
Come on show 'em what your worth
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!"
As you shoot across the sky-y-y
Baby you're a firework
Come on let your colors burst
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!"
You're gonna leave 'em all in awe
You don't have to feel like a waste of space
You're original, cannot be replaced
If you only knew what the future holds
After a hurricane comes a rainbow
Maybe your reason why all the doors are closed
So you can open one that leads you to the perfect road
Like a lightning bolt, your heart will blow
And when it's time, you'll know
Monday, January 17, 2011
Extreme on Love
As I sat in church on Sunday, excited to learn and know more about the character of God, my pastor briefly paused to remind us of Martin Luther King, Jr. Day and prayed that we would be reminded of his message. I’m sure many are sitting at home today relaxing or perhaps using this day off of work to get important or not-so-important things accomplished, or if you are like me, you have to work today. In the midst of all of this, I have to stop for a moment and reflect back on Mr. King, Jr. Honestly, I don’t think I ever take this holiday as a time to reflect on what it is for, but today while eating my lunch, I decided to hop online and read “Letter from a Birmingham Jail” by Mr. King.
I’ve read it before. I remember the first time I did. I was in high school and thought it was better than his “I Have a Dream” speech. He challenges all people in his letter – even the church, which is really what brings me to write today.
He was, as King stated, a “creative extremist.” Jesus loved those who were treated as outcasts, those who were misunderstood, people who were rejected for their looks – what disease they had or “may have had.” He challenged the Pharisees, the righteous, who thought they knew everything, and he loved the innocent children who could be so easily misled. He loved the average, ordinary, poor, wicked, whore, sick, lame, adulterer, murderer, back-stabber. No one was safe from His love. And that remains true even now. Luther questioned if that love drove the church, or if conformity and laxity perverse it.
The church is the body of Christ – the ones who are to be most representative of who Jesus Christ is, yet I have a feeling the church sits comfortably in the walls of religion and is not brave to go out and live in tension. Either that or we are too righteous, judgmental, and let our focus on our commitment to God get in the way of loving those who need it most and need the presence of God behind their fight.
I do no exclude myself from questioning if I live in the tension of “be in the world, but not of the world.” It is a very hard balance, but I wonder how much more of God I will know and understand when I begin to step out of my comfortable walls of religion and begin living out love.
I’ve read it before. I remember the first time I did. I was in high school and thought it was better than his “I Have a Dream” speech. He challenges all people in his letter – even the church, which is really what brings me to write today.
He was, as King stated, a “creative extremist.” Jesus loved those who were treated as outcasts, those who were misunderstood, people who were rejected for their looks – what disease they had or “may have had.” He challenged the Pharisees, the righteous, who thought they knew everything, and he loved the innocent children who could be so easily misled. He loved the average, ordinary, poor, wicked, whore, sick, lame, adulterer, murderer, back-stabber. No one was safe from His love. And that remains true even now. Luther questioned if that love drove the church, or if conformity and laxity perverse it.
The church is the body of Christ – the ones who are to be most representative of who Jesus Christ is, yet I have a feeling the church sits comfortably in the walls of religion and is not brave to go out and live in tension. Either that or we are too righteous, judgmental, and let our focus on our commitment to God get in the way of loving those who need it most and need the presence of God behind their fight.
I do no exclude myself from questioning if I live in the tension of “be in the world, but not of the world.” It is a very hard balance, but I wonder how much more of God I will know and understand when I begin to step out of my comfortable walls of religion and begin living out love.
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
25 Reasons
It was a monumental birthday - I can rent cars and my insurance goes down. I may just take a road trip for the sole fact of being able to rent a car. Or not. Either way, I'm no longer the odd post-college graduate, 24 year old who is just floating in the "almost-mid-twenties-still-feel-viewed-as-a-college-21-yr-old." I am officially a big girl, with big girl high heels - society would probably dub me as the "career-oriented, single woman." The only thing is they don't know that I am just now moving out from my parent's house at the end of the month, can't really afford to dress in the J.Crew business suits, or that I still sleep with my blankie. Wait.
Okay so I don't really sleep with a blankie, but I find it mentally challenging to think that I am officially in my mid-twenties. I'm not the "career-oriented, single woman" that society defines me as being, but I'm definitely ready for whatever is ahead whether that is a successful career or becoming a clown as a full-time job. I may not understand what this time should look like or where I should necessarily "be," but I'm pretty certain the Lord has me right where He wants me, and at this point...I'm hoping that I'm just as willing and obedient to go where He wants to take me
Edit: I was going to make a list of 25 Reason To Stay with Him (meaning stay and follow Jesus), but I shouldn't need reasons to stay with Him because he is faithful and good to me time and time again...so I've reversed it...because what better way to understand how he stays with me than by listing what He has done for this sinful and selfish girl.
25 Reasons the Lord Sticks Around:
1. His loves me like I love chocolate (it is an unfathomable amount)
2. He is good all the time
3. He personally created me with a purpose
4. He desires to give me more of Himself
5. He reveals His joy in the morning even when I wake up on the wrong side of the bed
6. He is a lot stronger than me, but straightens my feeble knees all the same
7. He gives and trusts me with more than what I really deserve
8. He gently redirects me with grace
9. He disciplines me with love
10. He hears my "but why!?" and still fights to hear me say "Your will"
11. He forgives me when repent of my rejection of Him
12. He knows me better than I know myself
13. He desires to communicate with me even though I often dominate the conversation
14. He likes to have fun and loves seeing me smile
15. He likes to hear me sing to Him in my car - I'm pretty sure he might be singing right along with me
16. He knows how to give me advice and wisdom when I'm directionally challenged
17. He helps me see the good in people
18. He pushes me to get beyond weaknesses
19. He allows me to lean on Him and never complains or tires from it
20. He knows all the hairs on my head and when you know how many hairs someone has on their head...you probably have had quite a few intimate times together.
21. He gave me the greatest gift and wants to see my reaction to it
22. He does some pretty cool things with nature and He knows that sparks my creative side
23. He knows I love my Sunday nap so he made sure to tell us to rest 1 day of the week
24. He mends the broken spots and knows the type of gorilla glue solution that will makes them better and stronger
25. He has never let go
Okay so I don't really sleep with a blankie, but I find it mentally challenging to think that I am officially in my mid-twenties. I'm not the "career-oriented, single woman" that society defines me as being, but I'm definitely ready for whatever is ahead whether that is a successful career or becoming a clown as a full-time job. I may not understand what this time should look like or where I should necessarily "be," but I'm pretty certain the Lord has me right where He wants me, and at this point...I'm hoping that I'm just as willing and obedient to go where He wants to take me
Edit: I was going to make a list of 25 Reason To Stay with Him (meaning stay and follow Jesus), but I shouldn't need reasons to stay with Him because he is faithful and good to me time and time again...so I've reversed it...because what better way to understand how he stays with me than by listing what He has done for this sinful and selfish girl.
25 Reasons the Lord Sticks Around:
1. His loves me like I love chocolate (it is an unfathomable amount)
2. He is good all the time
3. He personally created me with a purpose
4. He desires to give me more of Himself
5. He reveals His joy in the morning even when I wake up on the wrong side of the bed
6. He is a lot stronger than me, but straightens my feeble knees all the same
7. He gives and trusts me with more than what I really deserve
8. He gently redirects me with grace
9. He disciplines me with love
10. He hears my "but why!?" and still fights to hear me say "Your will"
11. He forgives me when repent of my rejection of Him
12. He knows me better than I know myself
13. He desires to communicate with me even though I often dominate the conversation
14. He likes to have fun and loves seeing me smile
15. He likes to hear me sing to Him in my car - I'm pretty sure he might be singing right along with me
16. He knows how to give me advice and wisdom when I'm directionally challenged
17. He helps me see the good in people
18. He pushes me to get beyond weaknesses
19. He allows me to lean on Him and never complains or tires from it
20. He knows all the hairs on my head and when you know how many hairs someone has on their head...you probably have had quite a few intimate times together.
21. He gave me the greatest gift and wants to see my reaction to it
22. He does some pretty cool things with nature and He knows that sparks my creative side
23. He knows I love my Sunday nap so he made sure to tell us to rest 1 day of the week
24. He mends the broken spots and knows the type of gorilla glue solution that will makes them better and stronger
25. He has never let go
Sunday, January 2, 2011
First Loved Us
“There can be no reconciliation where there is no open warfare. There must be a battle, a brave boisterous battle, with pennants waving and cannon roaring, before there can be peaceful treaties and enthusiastic shaking of hands.”
- Mary Elizabeth Braddon, British writer
Often times, we are in need of reconciliation. Something was said that shouldn’t have been, pride and arrogance trumped gentleness and grace, selfishness creeps in, a bad decision is made, an honest mistake ends up hurting the one that is loved most – whatever it is, I’m sure you get my point. The wrongs that have occurred sting and usually the relationship is altered in some way whether great or small. Usually, after moments like these, we want reconciliation – to have restoration and compatibility with that person again. For me, I’m the type that likes to talk about it as soon as I can and move forward – for others, they need time to think things through, but no matter which side you are on, it takes a lot of effort to be fully reconciled. People become hurt, innocence is lost, walls are put up and it isn’t easy to let go of the pain or of the disgrace one may feel. Like the quote above, reconciliation means going to battle. You have to face pain, suffering, disgrace, and hurt. You have to be brave to “go there” and lay it all on the table – and you have to be selfless about it because let’s face it – we all have to ask for forgiveness for wrongs we’ve committed. Reconciliation is a process and for a lot of people, it feels like a battle that almost seems impossible to win. If I have any encouragement in those times where reconciliation seems like a lost cause, it is from the One who never gave up on me. I may sound cheesy and that’s fine – at this point, I know what I believe and it is who I am. I’m not perfect in anyway. My selfishness creeps in all the time. I like having control over my life, and I like doing things my way. God had every right to reject me because time and time again I let go of Him when He never let go of me; instead, He gave me the greatest gift of love and reconciliation: His son. If ever I think reconciliation is impossible, I think I need to remember who first reconciled me.
- Mary Elizabeth Braddon, British writer
Often times, we are in need of reconciliation. Something was said that shouldn’t have been, pride and arrogance trumped gentleness and grace, selfishness creeps in, a bad decision is made, an honest mistake ends up hurting the one that is loved most – whatever it is, I’m sure you get my point. The wrongs that have occurred sting and usually the relationship is altered in some way whether great or small. Usually, after moments like these, we want reconciliation – to have restoration and compatibility with that person again. For me, I’m the type that likes to talk about it as soon as I can and move forward – for others, they need time to think things through, but no matter which side you are on, it takes a lot of effort to be fully reconciled. People become hurt, innocence is lost, walls are put up and it isn’t easy to let go of the pain or of the disgrace one may feel. Like the quote above, reconciliation means going to battle. You have to face pain, suffering, disgrace, and hurt. You have to be brave to “go there” and lay it all on the table – and you have to be selfless about it because let’s face it – we all have to ask for forgiveness for wrongs we’ve committed. Reconciliation is a process and for a lot of people, it feels like a battle that almost seems impossible to win. If I have any encouragement in those times where reconciliation seems like a lost cause, it is from the One who never gave up on me. I may sound cheesy and that’s fine – at this point, I know what I believe and it is who I am. I’m not perfect in anyway. My selfishness creeps in all the time. I like having control over my life, and I like doing things my way. God had every right to reject me because time and time again I let go of Him when He never let go of me; instead, He gave me the greatest gift of love and reconciliation: His son. If ever I think reconciliation is impossible, I think I need to remember who first reconciled me.
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