Beauty Will Rise

Mudpies. I guarantee you I have made more than enough mudpies in my childhood to feed me a lifetime. My sister and I definitely had our days in the backyard creating delicious mudpies filled with rocks, grass, and our special ingredient: flower pedals.

If I could describe to you how my life feels like right now, I would tell you I feel like I am walking through a lifetime of mudpies. They mire and clay is thickly coating my feet, and the weight become heavier as I keep walking further.

Loss. I have lost a lot in my lifetime. It begins with my favorite bear I had as a child. Ate by one of my family's many dogs. I have lost money to my brother. Apparently pongs were too enticing for me. Oh, and I can't forget the time I lost my favorite pair of slippers. Once again, to a dog. But the greatest loss I've experienced is now. My emotions are haywire. Heartbreak. Fear. Sadness. Uncertainty. Hopeful. Laughter. Anger. Failure. Longing.

I don't know if you know Steven Curtis Chapman. To be honest, the only thing I have ever really remembered about him is his song "Dive In" and dancing and playing Barbies with my friend Amanda. I don't know how these two things even go together, but for me they did. Well, on May 21, 2008, Steven Curtis Chapman and his family experienced the unexpected loss of his five year-old daughter, Maria. I can't even begin to understand the emotions surrounding this loss. Yet, Steven Curtis Chapman dug through the mire and clay, struggled through his loss, and wrote a beautiful CD called "Beauty Will Rise."

In my time as a injured and lost sheep, this album speaks words for me I have a hard time saying. I only hope that in my time of wading through the mudpies, I rise out as more beautiful person. Maybe I put those flower pedals in my mudpies for a reason. In our ashes, in our loss, in our fears and doubts, in our pain and suffering, beauty rises. I may not see much beauty in my current loss. But I pray the words Steven Curtis Chapman sings, and hopefully I will become the Shepard's sweet sheep.

"Beauty Will Rise"

It was the day the world went wrong
I screamed til my voice was gone
And watched through the tears as everything
came crashing down
Slowly panic turns to pain
As we awake to what remains
and sift through the ashes that are left
behind

But buried deep beneath
All our broken dreams
we have this hope:

Out of these ashes... beauty will rise
and we will dance among the ruins
We will see Him with our own eyes
Out of these ashes... beauty will rise
For we know, joy is coming in the morning...
in the morning, beauty will rise

So take another breath for now,
and let the tears come washing down,
and if you can't believe I will believe
for you.

Cuz I have seen
the signs of spring!
Just watch and see:

Out of these ashes... beauty will rise
and we will dance among the ruins
We will see Him with our own eyes
Out of these ashes... beauty will rise
For we know, joy is coming in the morning...
in the morning...

I can hear it in the distance
and it's not too far away.
It's the music and the laughter
of a wedding and a feast.
I can almost feel the hand of God
reaching for my face
to wipe the tears away, and say,
"It's time to make everything new."

"Make it all new"

This is our hope.
This is the promise.
That it would take our breath away
to see the beauty that's been made
out of the ashes...

Oh, Beauty will rise