One Blind Mouse

There are a few times when I have walked in the dark. Once may have been in college when I was pranking a house full of boys. You walk slowly as not to make a sound, yet your arms are in front of you so you don't run into a tree. Then there are those moments where you get home late and keep the lights off so as not to wake up others from their sleep. Unfortunately, many times a furry beast or vacuum cleaner was lying in the hallway and I would end up hurting my sleepy pup, injuring my toe, or waking up the snoozers from their dreamy sleep. In any of these cases there are usually two emotions: excitement or fear.

And that is how I sometimes feel with the will of God.

From a far distance, God's will sounds perfect and life changing, peaceful and pleasant. Sometimes, it sounds thrilling. You know - the surprise of not really knowing where you are going but excited for the revelation. I mean, if God is good, He'll lead me into all pleasant things, right?! Well, then there are those times where God's will freaks the crap out of me. Either I screw up big time, rebel because I'm fearful of where and what He is going to have me do, or I just don't trust that He is really in control or don't want Him to be in control. And so often, I just want a bigger revelation. Lord, just tell me what is coming next. I've been waiting patiently and haven't pushed you. I've really tried to surrender my life to you. C'mon...just give me a little taste of what is in store. Ha! I've come to realize that I am the queen of just wanting a revelation of God's will for my life instead of a revelation of who He is. When this truth was spoken to me it was like a bee sting - painful the moment it hits you and a tingle that just lingers there. I'm just a schmoozer of God - give me what You have in store for me, forget the rest.

And maybe there has been some distant light that has finally come into my view. I don't see much of His will for my life, and for a really long time I've just used Him for it. I know He has had me all along and still has been graceful enough to teach me more about Himself, but I think for once I feel more confident in being blind and in the dark because it makes sense that knowing Him is so much more important, and perhaps, things just might end up being somewhat clearer if I actually started seeking a relationship with Him and getting to know Him. I don't need to know what is ahead and even though I do wish to have more understanding of my specific purpose, I have the treasure of discovering more of who He is, which I think is really the best part about getting to know anyone.

"I will lead the blind by ways they have not known, along unfamiliar paths I will guide them; I will turn darkness into light before them and make the rough place smooth. These are the things I will do; I will not forsake them." -Isaiah 42:16