25 and single. It seems that once you hit a certain age of singularity that people start noticing and begin to feel they need to say or do something about it. I think this usually begins a year or two after you complete college – you’re no longer on a campus where everyone is single and you can’t even go to the bathroom alone – let’s be honest, people expect you to find Mr. or Mrs. Right there.
Well now that I’m well past college and haven’t done homework in a long time, my experiences as a single person are at times frustrating, fun, and laughable – but please considering the following if ever you feel the need to address some part of my singleness:
Some tell me that they wish they were me – How fun it must be single and be able to date people. I am living vicariously through you. Little do they know how many dates I’ve not been on. I get it – I have freedom, I can travel the world if I could afford wanted to, I’m not tied down to a person and can be selfish with my time, money, decisions, closet space, etc. I can do amazing work for the Lord. I am not ungrateful for these things, and I do find them enjoyable – and you’re right, I can do things for God that maybe others wouldn’t be able to do if they weren’t single, but the grass isn’t greener. There is difficultly being single – it isn’t always pleasant or fun and gets harder as you get older and friends are married and moving onto babies. My relationship with God has only been strengthened during this time, and I would be single over and over again just for that, but that doesn’t mean fun all the time, and I don’t want you to live through me.
The question: Why are you still single? Well…flattering, I guess. But how do you expect me to respond? Do you want me to talk about myself and list off all my good qualities? I feel that would just give you your answer. Honestly, when I hear that question, it makes me feel like I need to tell you why I could possible be single and give you all of my bad qualities. And I really already think about those and wonder if they hinder my relationship status – so, my current response is to either shrug my shoulders and say nothing or say, “Good question, am I weird?” Your guess is as good as mine.
Others want to set me up. Good. I like that you think I would be great with someone and it is good to be introduced to new people by a double date. I’m totally okay with that. BUT can you please not set me up with a guy who only talks about himself and jokes around the whole time, at the end of the night still hasn’t asked me one thing about myself - probably doesn’t even know what kind of job or how many siblings I have, or my interests – and puts in a crazy dirty/dumb movie for us all to watch to top it all off. Thanks, but no thanks?
Some have really, honest, good intentions, but horrible follow-through. Don’t tell me you have an AMAZING guy that you want me to meet, but then never do anything to make it happen. I totally understand if maybe it was like the situation above (except not so crazy) and then you really thought it through and decided to not set us up, but could you at least let me know why instead of just leaving me hanging? But I'm really thankful that you did think things through - that is progress from above situation and you have no idea how much I value that. And if he really is a great guy who you really think I’d hit it off with and are planning on introducing us at a party or group hang-out – introduce us and help conversation before you just awkwardly ditch us and expect Cupid and “love at first site” to just magically appear (we both know what you are doing) . Oh, but let him get my number from me (unless you ask me and I give you the a-ok) and/or Facebook me after our first meeting if he so desires, k!? Face value, people, not this new-agey electronic social world.
Lastly, I’d hate to even say it – but learn how to be a smidge (just a tinie-weenie) independent from your significant other. I have two friends – Friend number one is dating, but gets upset when she is not near her fiancé and mopes. Woman, you have someone that you are going to be married to! Be happy! Enjoy the fact that you get to spend life with this person and a night away from them won’t ruin your life! I get it – I’m sure I have acted that way too, but when we open our eyes to the people around us – that maybe they have a desire to someday meet Mr. Right and be where you are, it would be nice if you considered how you could serve them just for tonight. I know…that sounds so selfish of me and I hate saying that because I don’t want your sympathy or make you feel like you need to do anything for me, but sometimes, it can be frustrating. Second friend is married, but at the same time is able to be apart from her husband and spend time with me. I love her husband…he is one of my best guy friends, and he is the only one who has ever asked me, “What can we do or be aware of how to better be your friend and love you in this stage of your life.” Wow…that is refreshing. Can I steal your wife sometimes so she and I can hang out? Yes….yes, he is always so respectful when I’m around. He asks if he needs to leave the room if she and I are talking, but most of the time, I let him stay because I value his input. Other times I am given some “girl time” and it is the best and exactly what I needed. I was able to let them know what bothers me at times about being single or hanging around dating/married people – and they listened and understood and were responsive. And at the same time, they are able to open up to me about marriage and how it is hard or fun or quirky – and I love it. I love learning from them, and I think they like learning and hearing about my life too.
All this goes to say that I am not complaining about where I am at. I love being single and I’m not just saying that. I have been able to find joy, and you learn how to adjust and find enjoyment out of life. Most of all, I have grown closer to God and honestly have experienced how He fulfills my life in ways I never noticed before. If you have done anyone of these things above (me being guilty as well), I don’t dislike you. I know you just love me lots and I love you lots, too.
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