1 Blind Mouse

Psalm 13
For the director of music. A psalm of David.

1 How long, O LORD ? Will you forget me forever?
How long will you hide your face from me?

2 How long must I wrestle with my thoughts
and every day have sorrow in my heart?
How long will my enemy triumph over me?

3 Look on me and answer, O LORD my God.
Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death;

4 my enemy will say, "I have overcome him,"
and my foes will rejoice when I fall.

5 But I trust in your unfailing love;
my heart rejoices in your salvation.

6 I will sing to the LORD,
for he has been good to me.

Oh how this Psalm speaks what I so badly need to cry out to the Lord. I first found this passage this week as I went through my Beth Moore Bible study. Today I started reading another book that had this exact same passage. You think the Lord is trying to get me to pray this? I might have to believe it is so.

Have you ever been in a moment where you are just so wishing to be removed from darkness. Verse 1-4 are completely my heart right now. I'm in a place where I feel like the Lord has forgotten me and is hiding his face. I feel like if the Lord keeps me here much longer, Satan is going to win a battle, and I'll be overcome and stuck with my unbelief. I'm like one of the three blind mice in Shrek trying to find my way around - I'm a fumbling idiot and probably look extremely hopeless and helpless. The only exception is that I probably don't look as cute as those little guys. My despair probably reads all over my face, and I know it is definitely affecting who I am - fun, strong, faithful Elizabeth. Am I even that woman anymore? My tune is the tune to a very different song in these days - definitely not one you would want to get up and dance to - not even ask me to come hang out. Talk about party pooper!


How could David pray this and yet say verse 5 and 6? That is my question. In my last post I talked about God's unfailing love. Deep down, I know He is lavishing me with love, but how could David honestly and boldly pray those last two verses when he was in such a state of despair?

5 But I trust in your unfailing love;
my heart rejoices in your salvation.

6 I will sing to the LORD,
for he has been good to me.

I so badly wish I could pray these words with confidence and security, but I'll be honest - I'm questioning how I can trust unfailing love when my world has been turned upside down. Don't get me wrong - it is not that I don't desire complete trust in God and to fully believe His unfailing love is there for me - I do. So badly I do! I want to be secure and confident in God's unfailing love, but I feel like I'm a mess and failing miserably t0 understand and trust it. The catch is this is all probably His way of revealing His unfailing love and teaching me how to trust. It just seems like a battle where I'm so close to the edge of losing it all completely and being overcome by the enemy and his lies. Yet..."He has been good to me" and will be good to me...somehow. What a struggle.

Lord, give light to my eyes.